The Hindu Business Line : Lessons in inflation for deflated dummies

HOW naive of us to expect to be enlightened by news bulletins on what's the latest on inflation, even as they are busy with arrest warrants and parked trucks! Here's some help, therefore:

How does she look like?

It seems you're giving a human face to inflation, just because our Prime Minister always uses that phrase. Yet, I'm afraid that women would object to inflation being called a `she,' not for any deep economic reason but because a ballooning inflation number may remind them of a waistline out of control. Hence, let's stick to `it,' so artists can show them like fat elephants or dangerous demons in their cartoons.

To answer your question, inflation is as pervasive as gas, but visible in what goes invisible in your wallet.

Don't we have enough economists to tame the beast?

In fact, we have a lot many, but the point is they don't agree. As a saying goes, if you have two economists, you have three opinions.

To start, they've not come to a consensus number of the inflation's size.

Next, they'd have to guess where the heart of inflation is, where again there is too much dissent.

In sum, inflation is behaving more like a charging bull that youths try to stop in jallikattu.

What are the fruits in the inflation basket?

From the site of the Economic Adviser, you can find that pineapple, guava, litchi and sapota (cheeku) were added about a decade ago to the list of items that go into the working of inflation, in addition to banana, apples and so on.

There are vegetables too, such as brinjals, cabbage and okra (bhindi).

You may be rightly thinking that if all of us stopped eating these, perhaps inflation would come down. Interestingly, that price of `Simla-II' apple comes from Chennai market.

If we can't buy bread can we eat cakes?

Oh, yes, you have a good choice of items under `Cakes & Sweet Rolls' in the inflation makeup: fruit cake, chocolate cake, ribbon cake and orange/milk (200 gm), all at ex-factory price from Britannia Industries, Delhi.

There's enough bread: Milk and fruit bread as well as bun prices are sourced from Nilgiris Mechanised Bakery, Bangalore, and Modern Food Industries.

Try biscuits for a change: glucose, orange and fruit cream from Champion Confectionery, Mumbai; Monaco and Parle G from Parle Products, Mumbai; Plain Cream Cracker from Britannia Biscuits, Kolkata; and Glucose and orange cream biscuits from Cookies India (P) Ltd, Thrissur.

Is there some spirit to cheer?

To answer this, there is the section titled `Beverages, Tobacco & Tobacco products' that begins with `Wine Industries.' Rectified spirit price comes from Khasa Distillery, Amritsar. In the `Indian Made Foreign Spirit' category, you have Double Horse Whisky and Kashmir Brandy from Devans Modern Breweries, Jammu; Black Knight Whisky from Mohan Meakin Breweries, Solan; Diplomat Finest Selected Whisky from McDowell, Alleppey; and Old Port Dlx Rum from Amrut Distilleries, Bangalore.

If `Potable Country Liquor' would do, Rahuri Sahakari Sakhar Karkhana would give the prices. Malt liquor lists more than half a dozen beer brands.

Say something hi-tech.

Well, you have Wipro giving prices for personal computer, printers (1050 and 1000).

But when was it last that you bought Wipro computers? That way, you have `Premier Padmini Car' listed under motor vehicles.

Where does it all end?

The `Commodity Basket and Sources of Price Data' in Annexure - IV Part - P ends with `Automobile Cables' thus: "Ashok Leyland 2670mm, Ex-Factory, Premier Instruments & Controls, Coimbatore."

Does it not inflate your ego to know that now you know something about inflation?

SayCheek@TheHindu.co.in