The Hindu Business Line : Shall we air our ire to Aiyar?

EVER since bad news came in the form of runaway prices on petrol bunk meters and fatter bills for LPG, anxious mails have been flowing into AirYourIreToAiyar.com, but he is busy grinning, so I thought I could stand in.

I'm broke! What do I do?

I guess you still want to fill fuel and be moving. One suggestion is to unscrew unwanted things from your vehicle and sell them off to pay for fuel. For instance, you can start with rear-view mirror, headlight and so on. Think if you need the mudguard.

Should I tighten my belt?

Yes, both literally and figuratively. Reduce as many kilos as possible, get tonsured and wear light clothing, because fuel efficiency improves when there is less weight to pull. Removing rear seat may also help; as somebody said, you can `Backspace' the backspace.

Is it right to spell fuel, foo-l?

Phonetically, you're quite close. Alternative is `few-yell,' though nowadays more are yelling that they are getting fewer litres for more money.

Don't you think cold coffee is better?

Oh, yes, you've suddenly discovered the virtue of cold things, because using gas is turning to be expensive by the month, at the rate of Rs 5, as per Aiyar algorithm. Why cold, even room temperature is fine, so you don't have to depend on refrigeration. You can think of reviving the old tradition of everybody in the family eating together, to achieve economies by not having to reheat every time.

What's the way `out'?

Choose the nearer one, though it may be the `in' way because your goal should be to save fuel. Driven by this overriding consideration, you may, therefore, find more motorists flouting one-way norms to cut distance.

They say the government is hitting us where it hurts!

You're right; they're aiming at the centre of home. Fuel is from Latin focus meaning `fireplace, hearth,' which you'd agree is the `focus' of the house. To be right, we have two foci these days: one in the kitchen, and the other in the parking lot. They're hitting both.

Manmohan has defended price hikes. He too?

A `painful decision' for him, and a painful quotation for you. The PM says the price hike was necessary to safeguard the profitability and competitiveness of the oil sector PSUs.

But oil companies are making profits, aren't they?

Public Enterprises Survey 2002-03 from the Ministry of Heavy Industries and Public Enterprises, released in June this year, showed that Indian Oil Corporation notched up the highest turnover of Rs 1,23,628 crore; and ONGC, which was fourth in terms of turnover after HPCL and BPCL, posted the highest annual profit of Rs 10,529 crore.

It showed that Mangalore Refinery and Petrochemicals was the only loss-making oil CPSU. Probably, the data was not available to the PM when he spoke to the press corps en route to the Fifth India-European Union Summit at The Hague. Isn't that more painful?

SayCheek@TheHindu.co.in

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Shall we air our ire to Aiyar?