The Hindu Business Line : How to tread water in a choppy market

THE first wave hit the index, beating more than 300 points out of it, and after the Sensex rose to regain some lost ground, a second wave came to rob it of that recovery. Investors, small and big, are too worried to even ask questions. So, some helpful Q&A.

Can I ask why?

Yes, you have a right to ask why the Sensex crashed and the market got baffled, but don't expect any answers. Or, worse, expect to receive so many answers, as in a multiple-choice question, that you don't know which one is right.

They say it was a bear hug, but the TV didn't show any furry animals!

You bore! Don't you know that bear is a dealer who expects price to fall? In a bear market, there's more selling than buying and so you see a tailspin, as if a boar is digging in. Please bear in mind that bears don't look like bears, nor seem bare in their bearing.

If it's a correction, can I ask for revaluation?

Correction is a sharp move, upwards or downwards, in stock market valuations, and that's what they say happened now. But, sorry, no revaluation or retotalling is possible. Tomorrow is another day, and there can be further correction, kindly note.

How to describe the event?

That's a major problem for newspapers. If it happens on Monday, you can say Black Monday to bring back memories of October 28, 1929, or October 19, 1987. When bad things occur on Tuesday, we can say Tuesday tragedy. (Black Tuesday is used when referring to September 11, 2001, or the second Tuesday of each month when Microsoft issues patches for Windows.) Similarly, one can think of: Wednesday wails, Thursday travails, and Fiery Friday. Normally, there's no trading on Saturday and Sunday, to save you from adjectives such as Satanic Saturday or Tsunami Sunday.

Any other help to spruce up the copy?

There are many ways to capture all goriness in the report. A stock phrase is `bloodbath in the bourses' though one can experiment with `carnage in Dalal Street' and `slaughter of the Sensex.' The session is best described as `choppy' or `volatile,' and Word's synonyms can help with `rough' and `jerky' if you care to right-click. Stocks `lose ground,' `plummet' or `shed values'; and selling pressure can be `relentless' or `cold-blooded' depending on your mood.

I'm upset that the Met office didn't warn us in advance?

Please don't blame the weatherman. Met Department's Standards of Procedure says, warn everybody only if tremors occur within the country or very close to its borders, irrespective of the magnitude. So, they thought that when the dollar got stronger, world markets closed in the red, and metals moved south elsewhere, there was no need for creating a false alarm here. If you were to ask our Science and Technology Minister for forecasts abut the next crash, he would dismiss the possibility as `hogwash.'

What's the best advice for investors?

Don't panic, because whatever has happened has happened. Adopt a cautious approach, so talk and walk slowly and carefully, and don't believe anything at face value, especially those rumours that sound highly credible. And, if somebody promises that things will `bounce back' you can bounce it back to the source till you see some evidence to that effect.

SayCheek@TheHindu.co.in

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