The Hindu Business Line : What's the babble on baby oil

BABIES don't come without notice, we know. Similarly, notices from the Mumbai regulator Ramki aren't coming without babies. Big players in the industry have been navel-gazing ever since the State FDA has been label-gazing. And there are questions, both from babies and adults.

What's wrong with baby oil?

The allegation is that what's sold as branded baby oil is misbranded and mislabelled. While the companies advertised that their products are good for maintaining your baby's smooth skin, Ramki says that what's inside the bottles is only paraffin oil, which contains no such properties.

Can you give one para on paraffin?

Fine, here's some info from http://en.wikipedia.org: "Paraffin is a common name for a group of high molecular weight alkane hydrocarbons with the general formula C{-n}H{-2}{-n}{-+}{-2}, where `n' is greater than about 20." Okay, if that goes above your head, you'd be surprised that in the UK and South Africa, what we call kerosene is called paraffin oil or just paraffin! In solid form, it's called paraffin wax. Good for making candles, they say.

My granny used better oil to massage me when I was a kid!

Good granny should have used castor oil or some other vegetable oil that leaves no side-effects. But the problem with nuclear families, that most of us are, is that grannies are missing! A company that used sesame oil in its product has passed the FDA test.

Baby is crying. What do I do?

It should be tough. On one side you have babies that demand attention and are babbling, and on the other, there are news reports that assume cacophonous proportions as if from the Tower of Babel. So, even if you see a baby-care product on the supermarket shelf, you think twice, even as the baby's cries are getting louder. I guess some simple remedy may help, such as freeing the baby from any synthetic clothing, ensuring air circulation, generally patting, and snoozing off in tandem. Apart from inviting your granny over.

Why didn't anybody tell us about oil all these days?

True, that's a very important question we should pose to our scientists and doctors. Perhaps, they thought of swinging into action as soon as babies complained!

Can I ask for compensation?

Considering that most of these baby products were highly priced, it is logical that offended consumers should think of claiming damages for having been conned all along. Well, if you succeed, there can be a spate of litigation.

I feel guilty that we never paid attention to our babies!

Where's the time for parents. So, moms and pops drop into a shop on the way back home and hurriedly pick up packages guided by the labels. Thus, we feel we're giving due care to our kid by ferrying a whole load of things such as `biscuit good for toddlers,' `beverage ideal for one year old,' `diaper for the newborn' and so on. As a first step, we should read the list of ingredients.

My Munna says, "Maa... Naa... Baa... Laa... Chaa." What's that?

Munna is trying to communicate. But, alas, we don't understand his lingo, even as he painfully endures unsuitable products thrust on him in the name of affection. For us, it's all gibberish, a confusion of voices and sounds — simply babble. Which, shrewd marketers know, only too well. In the meanwhile, you can keep that oil bottle away from Munna.

SayCheek@TheHindu.co.in

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What's the babble on baby oil