The Hindu Business Line : It's not enough to be stupid

THE day's news speaks of George Gradow, "best-known as the husband of former Playboy bunny Barbi Benton," admitting in a US court that he'd altered financial documents and evaded taxes. It seems he told the judge, "I was stupid, your honour. Absolutely," as www.rockymountainnews.com reports.

Akron Beacon Journal has a comment, in a report `2 hours ago,' "Put alcohol and a lack of common sense together, and people do stupid things." And a report `3 hours ago' on www.jacksonholestartrib.com talks of how to some riders of fixed-gear bicycles, it's coolest without brakes; so, a counsel is offered, "It's stupid to ride a bike on the road without at least a front brake."

You can find a whole collection of stupid things in The Lexicon of Stupidity by Ross and Kathryn Petras, from Workman (www.workman.com) , starting from accidents and ending in zoology, all focussing on an "often overlooked area of human behaviour."

For example, Yorkshire England Evening Post is cited for a story that said, "A community policeman stopped him for not riding a motorcycle while wearing a helmet." Actors aren't expected to be wise, as in this sound bite from Jean-Claude van Damme, explaining his craft: "In an action film, you act in the action. If it's a dramatic film you act in the drama." For Milla Jovovich who'd starred as Joan of Arc, the role was `incredibly trying on a physical level,' but what kept her going was this thought: "No matter how difficult it was for me, I knew it had been a lifetime more difficult for Joan."

Anatomy can be confusing to some, note the Petras duo. "My guitars are my umbilical cord. They're directly wired into my head," is a quote of Kirk Hammett, included in the book, followed by a doubtful one from a sportscaster describing an injured player leaving the field thus: "He goes off holding what looks to be a left leg."

A wag suggests if the "I am worried but not too worried" line from our oil minister may find a place in the book, and I turn to search in a section on `obtuse answers' to straightforward questions. Only to meet a snatch from a court transcript with this Q&A:

Are you sexually active?

No, I just lie there.

Another, again from court hearing:

Did you blow your horn or anything?

After the accident?

Before the accident.

Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it."

The key to good communication is to listen well, advise the authors, and give this example, from `actual testimony':

How many trucks do you own?

Seventeen.

Seventy?

Seventeen.

Seventeen?

No, about twelve.

As those in the industry know, corrections in newspapers invite, at times, more attention than the news they refer to. "Because of a production error, a picture last Sunday of Prince Charles celebrating the 40th anniversary of Queen Elizabeth's coronation was printed in mirror image. He carried an umbrella in his right hand," is a pick that the authors include from The New York Times. "Important notice," reads another quote, on the topic, from a Warrenton newspaper. "If you are one of the hundreds of parachuting enthusiasts who bought our Easy Sky Diving book, please make the following correction: On page 8, line 7, the words `State Zip Code' should have read `Pull Rip Cord'."

A fatal correction, that is. And death is serious business, we know, so a spokesman for a funeral director's association said: "We were disturbed by the ridicule because death, especially to the person who has just experienced it, is not funny." To a PR manager of the Jakarta Hilton, death is an inconvenience he'd appeal against: "Please tell the public not to kill themselves on hotel property if they want to die. It only confounds us. They can do it in the river for example."

Rather than end on that sombre topic, here's a grab off a Nebraska newspaper, in the `wedding announcements' category, so that you can read the book happily ever after:

"The spacious home of Judge and Mrs. Woodbury was the scene of a beautiful wedding last evening when their youngest daughter, Dorothy, was joined in holy deadlock to Mr. Wilkie."

Don't forget Voltaire's wise words: "To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered."

SayCheek@TheHindu.co.in

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