The Hindu Business Line : When parents double as career managers

GIVE your son (or daughter) a fish and he lives for a day, teach him fishing and he lives for a life-time, buy him the best fishing gear, take him to the river, enrol him in the best coaching centre, encourage him constantly and, chances are, he will become a great fishing professional!

This little twist to the old angler's proverb best describes the role that today's parents play in shaping the careers of their children.

The following two examples best explain this point.

Sundaram (name changed) hails from a family of moderate means. His father leveraged his personal stature and respect and got Sundaram a job in a reputed business group more than 35 years ago. Sundaram now has a son who has completed his MBA and works for a reputed multinational corporation.

Sundaram did not have to do for his son, what his father did for him. On the contrary, Sundaram is in the process of helping his son choose from one of three offers. This will, incidentally, be his son's fourth job in six years but Sundaram is not complaining at all!

The managing director of a large engineering organisation was addressing his employees in an open house. In the course of his address, he asked those present how many would want their children to work in the same organisation, doing what they did.

Little surprise, not one of the employees raised their hands. (This organisation has had a long tradition of giving its employees' children preference in employment. Many present were, in fact, beneficiaries of this programme.)

This article attempts to explore the little understood influence that parents have over their children's careers and, as a result, the implications it has for organisations. To that extent, this article is addressed to both organisation role-holders and parents.

The strong family bonds and the tradition and culture of respect for parents, their wishes and desires means that parents have always enjoyed a certain level of influence over their children and, as an extension, over their career choices. This has obviously had an impact on the organisation in more ways than one. On the one hand, organisations have attempted to leverage this influence in a variety of ways. On the other, organisations have also been at the receiving end of this influence.

Obviously, there is no "one type" of parental influence. This influence also seems dynamic and evolving. Extending the parallel of the angler's proverb, I see three typical "types" of parental influence on their children's careers, each with its impact on the children and the organisations.

The "give-a-fish" type

These are parents who want to basically get their children a job, one way or another. This was either driven by the parent's perception of the child's competence, or his belief that opportunities were so limited that his intervention would be required. While this created dependency on the parent, it also secured a sense of loyalty and gratitude (or so they thought) for the organisation that obliged.

For many years, especially in traditional businesses, employees' children were given a preference in hiring. It was believed that through this process, organisations would be able to win the loyalty of both the employee and his son or daughter and they would also be able to influence their child's behaviour and therefore discipline levels.

Unfortunately, this programme was fraught with unintended consequences: the employee, quite often exercised this option in favour of the child who found it most difficult to find employment on his own. More often than not, the family relationships also came in the way of implementing major changes or enforcing discipline on the floor. Most important, when it came to the crunch, the relationship did not come to the organisation's rescue!

Even in cases where the parent merely used his good offices to secure employment for his child, the benefits were seldom great. The employee continued to depend on this "external support" and the organisation's attempt to bring emotional pressure on the beneficiary often did not work.

"Promote-fishing-career" type

At the other end of the spectrum is the parent who takes on the active role of managing his child's career. His role is not limited to getting the child a job or providing him with all the necessary education and skills to secure a job on his or her own. The parent is a lot more deeply involved in managing the child's career.

He helps the child research the best educational opportunities, choose the right institution, make the right specialisation choices, makes the finances available, supports the decision of choosing the right organisation and even helps negotiate pay.

This role becomes even more pronounced in the case of daughters, since the fathers feel a lot more protective. They not only have a significant say in their decisions but also play a strong supportive role in furthering their careers.

In today's context, this role as career manager has become a lot more involved than ever before.

Parents are playing a very active role in supporting the regular job changes their children keep making. Traditionally, organisations tended to believe that parents would bring to their children the values of loyalty, commitment, gratitude, and so on, and would help neutralise the negative influences and temptations of the outside world. Not any longer.

In fact, HR managers I speak to believe that parents only add to the problem. They now seem to encourage their children to quit jobs if they see them suffering or not being rewarded, or being treated badly. They readily support their decision to move to the highest bidder, or seek out the best brand.

In fact, HR managers who attempt to get in touch with employees who have quit without serving notice or have just absconded are shocked at the way in which parents side their child and turn a blind eye to the organisation's situation. Not something we would have expected a decade ago.

Either motivated by a sense of regret of having pursued these values in their own careers, or influenced by their own recent personal experiences, or driven by a sense of urgency, given the huge "investments" they have made to promote their children's careers, parents are now firmly on the side of their children.

As organisations tell their employees that it is their responsibility to manage their careers, they are only pushing them to look homeward for support and encouragement, if not for ideas.

This "career management" support becomes extremely relevant especially during difficult times — where the employee is laid off or is just sacked for bad performance or misconduct. It is the family, including the parents who stand by the employee the most.

What is making this possible is the fact that today's parents have "been there and done that". They have far greater organisational insight and information and are going to leverage it, not for the benefit of the organisations but for their children.

"Teach-fishing" type

Here is the parent who believes that his role is to educate, guide and mentor, inculcate values and then let the child fend for himself. These parents see for themselves the role of character building. This was perhaps the role that most parents were actually meant to play.

Read the biographies of the greatest social, political or business leaders in the world and they all point to the significant impact that their parents had in shaping their values and their lives. How do parents do it? Do they consciously teach them? Not really. In fact a lot of the "teaching fishing" happens quite sub-consciously. The way the family lives, the parent's demonstrated work ethic, their response to life events like poverty, illness, alcoholism, marital discord, and so on, have a significant influence on the attitudes of the child. Similarly, critical life events in the family also play a role in shaping the values of the child.

All these cumulatively lead to the "teaching fishing" process.

In fact, when a young employee enters the world of work for the first time, what the organisation sees is not the product of the educational institution but the product of upbringing — good or bad.

Implications for parents: As organisations become more and more focused on merit and the world of work and business becomes more and more competitive, there is no way in which parents can "give a fish".

Parents also need to understand that the real influence on their children is not through their advice and decision support but through their upbringing, the way the family functions and the way it responds to critical life events.

They also need to realise that without building the competence and maturity of their children, little purpose is served in "promoting a fishing career"!

(The author is the founder and CEO of totus consulting. totus consulting is a strategic HR Consulting firm that designs and implements HR systems and process for Organisations across diverse industries. He can be reached at ganesh@totusconsulting.com)

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