The Hindu Business Line : `No idea is a bad idea' is a total lie!

Four out of five employees use buzzwords "without having a clue as to what these words mean," declares Lois Beckwith in The Dictionary of Corporate Bullshit. The book is "an A to Z lexicon of empty, enraging, and just plain stupid office talk," from Broadway (www.broadwaybooks.com) .

Associated URL is www.corporatebs.com, has a `HQ' tab on the homepage, with `invisible' as the word for the day. It is "what you will become when someone you know is around you but does not want to be associated with you." The `new definitions' tab on the site has `not a problem,' which is for "the denial of the existence of an unfortunate situation."

Distressingly, the first entry is `accounts payable,' which is "one of the least glamorous and most under-appreciated departments of any organisation." B begins with `bandwidth,' a word often used in a negative context, says Beckwith; as in, `I just don't have the bandwidth right now.'

Get the `big picture', which is "lofty rationalisation that managers use to justify their inflated salaries." May it be known that `blame' is "cornerstone of corporate culture."

Brace up, though, when you hear `change management' because it often means `cutting away the dead wood.' Don't be fooled by `confidential'; for, it is unreliable in corporate environment, as much as `off the record.'

Corporate communications generate company speeches and `the CEO's rosy appearance'; also "all of the mass e-mails that you delete without reading." A company that dominates an industry is "eight-hundred-pound gorilla."

Flowers are "what you never get at the office". When there is nothing to say about something, try saying, "It is what it is." Invoke `kick the tires' when "work needs to be done."

You can bring hell on earth by micromanaging - "one of the most grievous and prevalent sins committed in the business world."

Learn that `net-net' is the final result; and that `no idea is a bad idea' is "a complete and total lie." Likewise, `open door policy', according to the author, is "completely meaningless and untrue 98 per cent of the time." Vital tactic to survive is to pass the buck.

Check if you know that a premeet is "a meeting that takes place before another meeting," and that `meeting' is "the bane of most corporate citizens' existence, hallmarked by wild inefficiency." Add to your lingo: `radio silence,' which happens when "someone's not talking to you"; `sense of urgency' to mean panic; and `synergy,' a word that sounds `really sexy and convincing' even if you use without knowing its meaning.

Fun read!

SayCheek@TheHindu.co.in

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`No idea is a bad idea' is a total lie!