The Hindu Business Line : Look for a man who is good for you

Mr Right is actually looking for you, assures the author. "Out there in the world, he is searching; even when he's occupied with other things, you're in the back of his mind... He works hard and is moving towards his goals. He has a social life, has good friends of both genders, but it isn't enough. He is unattached." If only we could just get the two of you together in a room, talking to each other, nature would take its course, promises Kearns. But the way out is to give yourselves `enough of a choice'.

You can do `two main things' to help Mr Right find you. First, `be more aware of the opportunities that are already there'. Men and women who would be really good together are constantly passing each other by: `Less like ships in the night than like preoccupied professionals in the day'. And second, `create new opportunities for you and Mr Right to find each other'.

The best opportunities don't always come with labels, please note. "You have to recognise them. And be brave enough to act on them." Which means, don't just passively wait for chance-y encounters to happen.

You may wonder if there is `the perfect place to meet'. Well, that's the title of a whole chapter in the book. The first characteristic of such a place is visual access, so that you can see the other person, and he can see you. "Online fails this test; so do telephone networks," unless you work around the difficulty with visual data.

Approachability is another feature of the perfect place. "In the ideal venue you can speak to a stranger without feeling pushy or forward or awkward." Interestingly, online and phone pass this test, while most public places don't. Most importantly, in the perfect venue, `failure does not have fatal consequences,' as for example in the workplace. Kearns discusses the pros and cons of different venues, such as private parties, bookshops, libraries, shops, festivals, fairs, bars, art galleries and gyms.

Part two of the book is on `recognising Mr Right'. It starts with `the true and false signs of compatibility'. Don't look for a good man, look for a man who is good for you, counsels the author. "If you hoop up with the right person for you, nature will make sure that the kinks get worked out." How so? "There will be so much sap in the tree, so much fuel in the tank, so much good will and passion and respect on both sides, so much positive experience from day to day, so many little moments in which you feel, `Wow, this person is great, I am enjoying this,' and so much ability to communicate with each other when things are happy that when they get snarled up, problems will be overcome."

The third and final part of the book is about finding Mr Right online. Kearns busts many a myth about online dating, such as: men online only want one thing (`probably about the same percentage who are looking for that in the real world'); a woman cannot call the shots online, it's a male stronghold (`if there was ever a level playing field, the modern dating site is it'); a woman who goes on a dating site looks like she is desperate for love (`online dating has long since reached a tipping point - when enough people do something, it becomes normal, accepted'); serious relationships never begin online (`you get to know people from the inside out'); and meeting men online is not safe (`there is safety in numbers').

Right read, for the right reasons!

SayCheek@TheHindu.co.in

More Stories on : Books | Lifestyle | Say Cheek

Article E-Mail :: Comment :: Syndication :: Printer Friendly Page

Stories in this Section
Cricket, Big B outdo Shah Rukh on KBC 3

Look for a man who is good for you