The Hindu Business Line : <I>The work-life imbalance </I>

Stress in daily life showing up in poor work-life balance is a popular subject of magazines these days. And, yet, we search in vain for a truly fresh insight in such articles. Curiously, it is often the same journalists who, when they are done with celebrating the achievements of yet another hard-driving industrial magnate or drooling over the salary packages offered to their favourite nephews and nieces on campuses, turn to management of stress brought on by a fast-paced life in a fast-growing economy. The irony implicit in this juxtaposition seems to be lost on them! As long as this remains so, the chances of light breaking through into our clouded minds will remain slim.

Demands of urban living

Whether it is something manageable, such as mere repetitive stress injury (RSI) or eye-strain, or something of far-reaching consequence, such as broken marriages and infertility, the demands of fast-paced urban living have obviously become a familiar stand-by subject. The diagnosis sounds boringly predictable: Ambition, overwork, worry, fear of failure, workplace politics, travel-related sickness, irregular eating and wrong food and drink habits. The interconnections amongst the symptoms that occur together, one leading to another, justify calling it a syndrome.

The curious thing is that stress by itself is not entirely new, although the extent to which it is found amongst all age groups, leading in extreme cases to depression and worse, is certainly new.

Our grandparents coped with illnesses, bereavement, droughts and poor harvests, struggling to keep up appearances of genteel well-being, while managing a large extended family. They were not highly educated, nor would they dream of making a display of their sorrows in public. Yet, there were safety valves, which were accepted without calling them crutches or any sense of guilt about them.

No one told them that prayer and chanting, music, having a good cry, or going on pilgrimages or some form of penance was an escape from reality. They had no marriage counsellors or therapists, often not even a family physician. However, there was one important difference. Families extended some solace, cousins would pitch in and help out in a crisis, or a friendly sibling or daughter-in-law might actually co-operate!

Another profound difference lay in the far slower and predictable pace of their daily lives. So where does that leave poor us? What can one do about stress in today's world? Few honest teachers would give you anything more than helpful hints, as there are no magic potions. So, after much reflection and grappling with the tangled web of issues, one comes to the following tentative conclusions.

An internal phenomenon

For a start, we have to realise that the continuing discomfort we live with is an internal phenomenon. How we react to any person or situation is ultimately in our hands; or more accurately, inside our heads. Some will, of course, exclaim that it is far easier said than done. But so is making a million. It does take some hard work.

The difficult point comes next: The hard work has to be done by each one, for herself. The Gita or the Yoga Sutra might well have said all of this — but look where it has got you and me! We might be expert at spouting second-hand wisdom but are little better than the next man when it comes to making sense of our bewilderingly complex lives.

Keeping the realisation steadily in front of us at all times, and not blaming anyone else, our parents, children, spouses or bosses, is the tough part. If others do contribute to the stress and the related sorrow, then it is because we let them. This is a very difficult pill to swallow. After all, what happens inside our bodies and minds is in more in our hands than in other peoples'.

Try out this insight on yourself for a week and see for yourself. Whenever you feel angry, upset, irritated, worried or down in spirits, just watch the feeling arise. See if you are labelling it, and ascribing it to an external source taking it out as anger or depression. In the process, you could well find that thinking slows down automatically, if one is aware of it, despite some stumbling and falling down. You will feel more secure eventually.

Stop blaming others

The real work starts after you have tasted the sense of well-being that comes from clarity of seeing, even for a few moments. Our memory interferes, interprets it, labels and wants to repeat it. This is a symptom to beware of because it will merely draw you down another blind alley to sorrow and stress. Keep going, watching and sensing what is happening to you. If nothing else, you will stop blaming everything on other people. Then you can begin the real work — which is endless. Best of luck!

(sr.chander@gmail.com)

S. Ramachander