The Hindu Business Line : A nagging voice that drags on in women’s heads

Women can fare far better in life, but for a force that is slowing them down, damaging their self-esteem and costing them money. The villain, according to a new research, is a vicious voice inside the women’s heads, which directs them not to ask for the things they want.

“Talk back to that nagging voice,” urge Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever in ‘Ask For It’ ( www.landmarkonthenet.com). “You can ask for more than you’re getting, more than you’re offered, and perhaps even far more than you think it’s possible to get,” they assure.

The four-phase programme described in the book begins with a great affirmation: ‘Everything is negotiable’. But first, you must decide what you really want, the authors counsel. “One of the great challenges of growing up as a woman in our society is distinguishing your own desires and ambitions from the jumble of stuff you’ve been told that you ought to want,” they rue.

If you’re caught up in the daily demands of your life, always trying to cross the next item off an ever-lengthening to-do list, it can be hard to take a step back and think long term, Linda and Sara observe sympathetically.

They, therefore, advise the hassled women to assess strengths and weaknesses, and also answer a series of questions, such as: “How closely does your life today correspond with the life you’d like to have? Which of your early goals have you met or surpassed? Which ones are you still striving for? Are there any former goals that you’ve outgrown or no longer care about?”

In the second phase of the programme, you ‘lay the groundwork’ by learning a few key negotiation skills and ‘assembling the information you’ll need to make a persuasive argument.’ Instead of looking at your boss simply as someone with power over your future, try approaching her or him as a partner with a shared interest in seeing that you make the most of your talents, the authors encourage.

What can help women in negotiation is the realisation that they bring great value to the employers, beyond the ‘hard stuff’ on the resumes. The book cites Eugene Carr for the ‘power’ thought that, compared to men, women employees prize ‘job satisfaction, personal growth, office camaraderie, respecting their boss, and belief in a larger goal’, as desirable parts of their experience.

‘Get ready’, in phase three. Shoot for more and you’ll get more, exhort Linda and Sara. “By the time you start the conversation, you’ve already lost half the battle if you haven’t set a high enough target for yourself. If you walk in aiming to get less, you’re guaranteed to walk out with less.” Your target should be ambitious but not impossible, the authors suggest.

The last phase begins with ‘dress rehearsal’ so that the emotional dimensions of negotiation are in control. Once you’ve anticipated and experienced an emotion while role-playing, that emotion won’t feel as raw and powerful when it strikes in your real negotiation, the authors guide. “Furthermore, it won’t take you by surprise, which is critical because it’s often the surprise rather than the emotion itself that throws us off our game.”

Empowering read, in the interest of fairness.

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