The Hindu Business Line : Tips for pleasant relations

Relations among human beings get sour, not by any big commission or omission, but by some inconsiderate act of little importance. Sometimes they can even result in flare-ups. Marie Antoinette’s “If they don’t have bread, let them eat cake” is taken to have led to the French Revolution and her being guillotined.

So also, a couple of pence of tax on tea shipped from Britain to its American colonies made them rise in revolt, declaring their independence.

In daily lives, the consequences may not be as grave or fatal, but a bit of consideration for those we deal with will make for a pleasant, friendly and cooperative relationship. Here are few tips from that perspective.

Keep whatever promise you make within the time mentioned. If, for any good reason, you are unable to do so, contact the person concerned, explain the circumstances persuasively and take an extension. Nothing is so upsetting for a person as to be left in a state of suspense.

Unless in emergencies, do not make a visit without previously ascertaining the other person’s convenience. Barging in without notice and causing disruption to whatever task the person you are visiting is engaged in, or when he is busy with other visitors, is the height of discourtesy.

Do not make phone calls that are likely to clash with times during which news or popular events (such as sports, Republic Day parades, music/dance festivals) are being telecast. You will find the person at the other end chafing at the interruption and not receptive to whatever you may be telling him.

Especially in the case of the elderly, do not make calls during periods when they are likely to be resting (say, between 12 noon and 4 p.m. or before 6 a.m. and after 9 p.m.)

Do not make phone calls on official matters on holidays. A person should not be bothered with office problems on holidays (unless they are of such grave importance as to be taken up immediately) and should be left free to devote his time to family and friends, or activities of personal interest to him.

In any case, it is best not to drag on your phone conversations. Keep them short and to the point. Or, if you are eager to discuss something of interest, find out at the beginning whether the person called is free to talk. The very purpose of a phone call will be defeated if it does not facilitate a relaxed conversation.

In particular, do not read long passages from articles, books and the like over phone. You cannot be sure of your coming through intelligibly in view of the possibility of your pronunciation, enunciation, intonation and so on getting garbled. That apart, reading long passages may also be boring for the other person. It is best to use surface mail or email for such purposes.

Do not use the phone to ask for phone numbers of others. Remember, the person whom you are troubling this way is not a mobile directory. To oblige you, he may have to make special effort to locate the number, dropping whatever work he is doing. Instead of making the other person your convenient labour saver, you should try get the number yourself from the directory or from 197.

Return whatever books you borrow without fail. The best course is not to borrow books or money. “Neither a borrower nor a lender be” is a good motto to follow.

Generally, go by the famous advice that Polonius gives to his son in Shakespeare’s play, Hamlet.

B. S. RAGHAVAN