The Hindu Business Line : This is no chicken soup for the soul

THE world seems perfect, while you look at yourself and wonder why you are not like the icons and demigods. But you are human. Perhaps you can do with some permission to be inadequate. Read The 7 Bad Habits of Highly Ineffective People by Richard Macdonald to "harness the power of constructive inertia". Read on:

There are two kinds of anger: justifiable and manipulative. Justifiable anger is where you lose your rag because someone has behaved appallingly. It is justifiable because the other person has started it, caused you to be angry, lit the fuse, set the wheels in motion. If they had not done what they did you wouldn't have any cause to be angry. Manipulative anger is where a person uses anger to get you to do something you don't want to do — it is a form of emotional blackmail.

If you let your grass grow, you will get wild flowers, wildlife and complete freedom from lawnmowers and the like. If you cut, cut, cut, all you will get its backache, servicing problems with the lawnmower, unnatural stripes and a lawn completely devoid of colour, life and noise (no flowers = no insects = no birds = no sound).

Same with the weather. If you demand sunshine and get rain you'll be disappointed. But if you are open to whatever is on offer, you'll always be cheerful. There is no such thing as bad weather, only the wrong clothing.

Saying "Yes!" keeps us flexible by making us game for whatever is going on around us. Saying "No!" makes us inflexible as it shuts down all opportunity, all challenges, all openings. Saying "Yes!" allows us to encounter new experiences; to gain new knowledge, to develop new skills. Saying "Yes!" keeps us young.

Clutter is a smokescreen for imperfection. If we make conscious clutter, no one will notice our unconscious inner clutter. Conscious clutter puts obstacles in the way of our partners, preventing them from getting close to our emotional disorder. Therefore our conscious clutter becomes a sort of therapy, just as being tidy becomes clutter clearing or feng shui becomes space clearing — or is it the other way round? Effectiveness is how we achieve, not what we achieve. Thus, it is also true that ineffectiveness is what we don't achieve not how we don't achieve it.

We have seen the damage being effective does — wars, pollution, decay, disease, death, famine, politics, supermarkets, lycra, e-mail and air miles — and we don't want to walk that road. However, neither do we want to be Zen, enlightened, pure, spiritual, New Age, MBS, transformed, immortal, yogic, vegetarian, slim, de-toxified, irrigated, beautiful or transmogrified. We want to be messy, disorganised, ineffective, ineffectual, slow, late, scruffy, flabby and apathetic.

Have you become bad already?

Spring action

BOWLERS bet on an odd bouncer to turn the tide in their favour. And bounce is what Roger Fritz advises in Bounce Back and Win, a book that states that "the key to success in life is not brilliance or competence or even experience. It is recovery... the ability to bounce back."

Too much time is wasted, too many errors are made, and too many problems are created by those who don't really know who they are, rues the author. "Usually, it's because they either avoid the issue, procrastinate, or find a convenient alibi for their actions." A few more bouncers:

Many people become quite expert at giving the impression of being busy. They always walk quickly and carry a handful of papers, even if they're only headed for the restroom. Some people actually have to work harder than their peers to accomplish the same amount of work.

They should not be penalised for that, but neither should they be rewarded for it. Seniority is not a substitute for good work. It can even be harmful if it helps to perpetuate outmoded methods, stifles progress, or hampers badly needed change. Why reward the wrong things, like busyness and seniority?

Some people are afraid of not `fitting in' — of how business associates would regard them if they were to act slightly different, or if their true natures were known. Some of those who have made it to top-level management jobs suffer from the impostor syndrome: They have constructed a professional persona that conforms to others' expectations. They are actors and actresses.

If you were to ask most people if they are angry, they would probably deny it. But here are some symptoms of unacknowledged anger: Tense, tight muscles; speaking in a loud voice; knot in stomach; nervous mannerisms; quick, shallow breathing; increased heart rate. Unexpressed or poorly expressed anger can damage your relationship with others because they will sense your latent hostility and will feel defensive.

Accountability precedes improvement. The never-ending quest for all leaders at all times and in all places is to answer the question, "What do we mean by performance here?" Performance requires accountable people, and accountable people always determine who will do what by when. This principle is frequently overlooked in the rush toward employee empowerment. Empowered people who are not accountable spin their wheels.

Many people mistake arrogance for self-confidence. Truly self-confident people are modest, not loud; they may remain in the background instead of thrusting themselves into the limelight.

Often, the loudest and most obnoxious people are not at all self-confident. Their noisiness is a thin veneer stretched over a bundle of anxieties and fears. While many self-confident people are confident, power does not necessarily lead to confidence. Many people in positions of power are very insecure.

Want helmet?

A dose of philosophy

WHY does glamour have more appeal than goodness? What constitutes being happy? How do you deal with bad people at work or in the society?

Why is my mind always talking? How do I eliminate negative thoughts in my mind? Is it okay to be selfish in a relationship? What is wrong in flirting? Is it not a beautiful sport?

How about a book that answers all those questions and more? Swami Sukhabodhananda's Looking at Life Differently is about the all-important operations research problem — `minimising tensions and maximising effectiveness'. And there are a lot of stories too. A few picks:

Mind is a bundle of thoughts. More than heart attacks, we suffer from thought attacks. It is like employing a servant and being thrashed by him. Mind constantly chatters. The chattering mind dominates us. When required, use thoughts; when not, just be empty.

Horizontal growth occurs in the world of objects. Enjoy and do good. Acquire wealth out of goodness. Vertical growth involves you being more loving, kind, silent, and grateful, thereby providing you with real happiness. Horizontal growth only provides you with pleasures. There is a remarkable difference between pleasure and happiness.

In relationships, the greatest conflict is the expression of ego. Ego wants to prove a point. More than happiness, people want their point of view to survive. Most quarrels between men and women are due to their minds vomiting at each other. Their minds dominate them.

If you go on comparing, life becomes miserable. If somebody is better than you, learn from them; enjoy others' success. No one can have all the good qualities. Do not whip yourself with this comparison. Compete with your potential. Do not define your success and failure by someone's success and failure.

A book that can make a difference to the way you look at life.

(Books courtesy: Fountainhead, Chennai. E-mail: fhbooks@satyam.net.in)

Tailpiece

"Dog bites man is no news, but man bites dog, is."

"That's right."

"Cop turns thief, thief turns cop - which is news?"

ReadingRoom@TheHindu.co.in

Article E-Mail :: Comment :: Syndication

Stories in this Section
AS is where many a problem is

Sister-in-law is kind, but tax law is blind

So, do we have a deal?

What a CA should do when attacked — gather evidence

A burning desire to come up in life

This is no chicken soup for the soul