The Hindu Business Line : When women bond...

One of the greatest advantages of networking is that in times of need there is support from all quarters... One letter to the group and within hours, voices of love, concern, caring, understanding and, above all, wisdom acquired from experience, reach out to the one in distress.

Rania and Kassim at their wedding.

It was in the summer of 2000 that 19 women journalists were invited by the Swedish institute FOJO (Institute for Further Education of Journalists) to Kalmar, in Sweden, for a three-week training course. We were from Asian, African and Latin American countries, and on that evening when we converged on that small, picturesque town in Sweden, we had no idea how those three weeks were going to leave a deep imprint on our lives.

While exposed to various facets of Swedish life and lifestyle, the very strong feminist movement in the country (that has resulted in Swedish men being excellent cooks, babysitters, homemakers, etc), an equally strong movement for lesbian and homosexual rights, the dignity and respect with which immigrants are treated, and the high living standards of Swedes, without realising how and when, a tremendous bonding had taken place among the participants.

The best part of the `training' was that there were no formal classes or lectures, if somebody wanted to squat on the floor during a session, she was welcome to do so; you were encouraged to talk about all aspects of your life... right from the home, to the streets to your workplace. As we all talked, a little hesitatingly first, but with great gusto and sans any inhibitions later, what came through was the kind of discrimination each of us had suffered in our careers. While for the lucky few it was confined to the first few years of our careers, it was astonishing to find that many of the women, particularly from African and Arab countries, continued to face blatant discrimination related directly to their gender.

Towards the end of the course, while we created our own Web pages and put snapshots of our career on those pages, a couple of women just could not afford to put down their names there, for fear of a backlash not only from their employers, but also their governments.

To me, a real eye-opener at the Fojo workshop was the vibrancy, modern outlook and intelligence of the Arab women. Rania, from Lebanon, was the cynosure of all eyes at the boisterous and fun-filled dance sessions that invariably took place in the spacious Fojo dining area after dinner each night. Somehow or the other, we were always celebrating something, and some wine was always on hand to put an extra zing into the dance sessions. Sonia, from Tunisia, otherwise a very quiet woman, Farideh from Iran, who after much coaxing allowed us to see her beautiful, dark black hair which was always hidden behind hijab (a scarf), and Nedjma, our Web design teacher from Lebanon, brought the house down with belly dancing that would have put the most famous Egyptian belly dancers to shame. The music, by the way, was always Arabic.

We also decided to have a whole week of different cuisines; Asian, African, Latin American and, of course, Swedish, where one of the male assistants of the Fojo team, helped by his male friend, took on the task of cooking and turned out one of the most delicious meals one has ever had. The rest of the nights, the women from different countries took on the task of cooking exotic dishes from their region. The Indian biryani was a huge hit... and nobody complained of the rice getting a little burnt. There was unanimous opinion that the vessels available in the Fojo kitchen were hardly the right kind for cooking biryani!

So what has all this got to do with networking, you might wonder.

After three weeks, when it was time for departure, little batches of us left in different directions for different destinations at different times. As each batch of two or three bade bid goodbye, the entire group, including our Fojo teachers — Marie and Jeanette — came out on the street. As much hugging and sobbing took place, at first amidst some embarrassment, Marie assured us not to bother about the taxi drivers. "Oh, they see this year after year for the participants of the `Women in journalism' course."

At this point, it must be said that when we walked on the streets of Kalmar, we did make heads turn, as the little town had rarely seen so many dark haired and brown and black skinned women walking on Kalmar roads at the same time!

At some point it was decided that this was an extraordinary experience and hence it would be a shame to lose touch with each other and go about our lives, after having enjoyed such bonhomie and camaraderie. So an e-mail group ID was created, throwing in the previous batch of 1999 too.

Four years have gone by. It cannot be said that all the 18 of us have kept in touch, but more than half of us have indeed done so. Jenine from South Africa, who works with a radio station, and covers events all over Africa with amazing energy and efficiency, or Sharmila from Malaysia who writes on fashion and beauty, along with some others, turn to an electronic pouring out of their hearts when their bosses have been particularly mean to them, refusing to recognise good work or say a single word of encouragement even after they have turned in an excellent assignment. Somebody else has a problem with a boyfriend, another woman, who has opted to remain single, is feeling extremely low because her family members accuse her of not sacrificing her career to look after her aged parents... and it goes on. One letter to the group and within hours, voices love, concern, caring, understanding and, above all, wisdom acquired from experience, reach out to the one in distress.

Sometimes the unanimous opinion is... "If your boss is such a pain in the neck, there's no point in continuing. QUIT."

Believe me, a couple of women have done so when consensus has emerged thus and they are better off for it.

It is not always cribbing that flies back and forth across the cyber world. When Fareshteh of Pakistan announced she was expecting a baby, the group went wild... and once little Aryaan came into the world... his pictures, right from baby days to the present, have been shared with the group. We were witness to two romances happening in Kalmar... one has ended in marriage and the other was but of a fleeting nature. What was amazing was that the heartbroken woman was able to share the ups and downs of her relationship with us. She has long forgotten the Swedish chap, and has found somebody much more deserving of her affection and is very happy.

At the moment, our group is toasting Rania's wedding with long-time boyfriend Kassim. He was in Stockholm when we visited Sweden, and all of us helped her in planning Kassim's visit to Kalmar for a couple of days! That relationship too went through a lot of turmoil, as Rania's parents were not aware of it. For a brief moment it looked as though she would be forced to marry a cousin. But ultimately, her parents were made to see the logic in Rania marrying Kassim, who is also a Muslim and a Lebanese too.

Well, the dream of our lives remains a reunion... we've been planning and planning, but it is yet to materialise. The only two who have managed to meet, to the envy of the entire group, are Fareshteh and I. During my last visit to Karachi I was able to catch up with her and Aryaan.

We are convinced that one day the re-union will take place. Most of us are determined that though Fojo brought us together the first time, this time around we will manage it on our own. All the dancing and the wine drinking that will take place on that day remains an exciting incentive.

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