The Hindu Business Line : `With me, without my phone'

"It's important to indulge in physical demonstration of one's affection. We should be firm whenever we think they are going wrong." — Mythily Ramesh, Vice-President and Business Head, 01 Markets, Wipro Infotech

Jagdish Kini with his family.

They want to be with me, without my phone," says Jagdish Kini, CEO and Director, Mobility, South Central Region, Bharti Mobile Ltd, speaking on demands on his time by his teenage daughters.

But can this happen in today's world? Can executives set aside some time for their growing children without being bogged down by office pressures? And the question assumes more importance when it comes to adolescents or young adults, because they're as busy as their parents.

Kini feels that as far as time spent with his children is concerned, the teenage factor does not play a major role in his family. "Even when my daughters were young, I would try and take time off to spend with them."

Agrees Mythily Ramesh, Vice-President and Business Head, 01 Markets, Wipro Infotech. "We tend to think they are independent and focus on the younger children. Children at every age require us to spend time with them but on different issues and with a different focus." For instance, in case of teenaged children, the focus should be on issues such as the physical changes that they are going through, monitoring their friends as they are easily influenced at this age due to peer pressure, communicating with them so that parents understand what they want to do and providing emotional support, especially in interactions with friends of the opposite sex. She firmly believes that it's important to indulge in physical demonstration of one's affection. "But at the same time, we should be firm whenever we think they are going wrong," she says. Mythily has two sons aged 12 and seven.

R. Vidyasagar, Director, HR, Philips Innovation Campus, says that the teens being the most important period of a child's life, parents need to devote more time and attention to this period. "They are required to make choices on education, career and in many ways on `values of life'. As parents, we have an important role to play in supporting their thinking process."

N. Muralidharan, Vice-President and Managing Director, Jobstreet.com, feels that there is nothing like a specific or fixed number of hours of quality time that one can spend with one's children. "It's something that you choose as a matter of routine and intersperse it with the daily chores," he says.

But as Kini says, the only way his daughters (aged 19 and 14) can get his complete attention is during their annual family holidays. "When we holiday in India, we try to drive as much as possible so that it gives us more time together." Other ways he spends time with his daughters is by watching movies with them.

The Vidyasagar family believes that a family that prays and eats together stays together and "yes, we do that very often and definitely on the weekends."

Muralidharan too recommends dining together every night as it develops family bonding. Having lunch together on holidays is one of the ways to spend time with children, he says. "If children have some specific interests in sporting activities or going out, it's advisable to be part of such things. This way, unobtrusively, you are spending time and observing the behavioural patterns of your teenager." He has made it a point to spend a week every year vacationing with his family. "It could be a holiday at a hill station or sometimes just visiting our home town, so that the children stay in touch with our roots, and sometimes we do this for religious functions. This helps them recognise and understand our culture and tradition much better."

Kini too believes in going back to one's roots. "My children have spent a lot of time with their grandparents and they understand the nuances of a joint family system and the values that Indian middle-class families have."

Mythily too believes in simple activities such as watching movies and playing board games to build a better bond with her children. Of the two, she says that board games are more important because you learn together and also have a lot of fun. Like Mythily, Vidyasagar shares the small pleasures of his teenage daughters.

But it's not as if the time spent with the child is all fun and games. Serious issues such as career and finance are also discussed. Mythily describes the kind of issues that come up for discussion in her family. "I basically talk to them about what they would like to do in the future and what they need to do now to achieve it. I try to instil the right attitude, ambition and aspiration in them," she says.

How much time do these executives share with their spouses discussing their teenagers' issues?

Kini says his wife and he have no major issues with their daughters. Mythily too feels teenage matters are not yet a big issue for her and her husband to spend too much time on them. "So maybe one hour a week, we talk about it," she says. Muralidharan spends a "reasonable amount of time" with his wife on the subject. "There are some issues which are taboo by tradition. It is our responsibility to bring up such topics in a timely manner. Children will be too shy or embarrassed to bring them up by themselves, so we should take the lead and present the facts in an appropriate manner."

In all families, when it's not all fun and games, the child's career is discussed to a large extent. "This is a major area where we, as parents, can contribute in shaping their thinking and ability to make choices. Our view is that we should present the pros and cons of education and various career choices to them and support their decisions," says Vidyasagar.

In the Kini family, "career is discussed very often as I try to bring in the big picture. Otherwise, my wife has a bigger role to play in their upbringing," says the Airtel chief. Very often, the Kinis have what they call the `family bonding' time. "This is the time when I learn a lot about my children. For instance, my elder daughter is very good in time management. She's highly organised and has a great sense of responsibility. Sometimes when I come home early I find that my daughters are more or as hard working as I am."

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