The Hindu Business Line : Ready to mingle?

Not exactly, say these single working women. However, most people seem to get the idea that their single status makes them available or `too liberated'.

The first thing that struck me about Akhil was his charisma. Outwardly a perfect gentleman, he was suave, smart and polished. He went out of the way to make me comfortable. Before long, I felt I was getting romantically involved with him. He seemed so different... an enigma whose bouts of anger was something I was willing to overlook. And then, over lunch and some beers one day, he revealed his little secret. He doubled up as a gigolo "just for some extra cash and fun". Probing further, he admitted that following an office brawl he had urinated in a colleague's glass of whisky at a pub. What was more disgusting, the hapless victim even drank it, and only came to know of it the next morning. I found that to be too repulsive and tried to withdraw. That unleashed the animal in him. Abuse, threats and odd-hour phone calls followed. Then he landed at my place late at night and threatened to create a scene. I resigned the next morning and moved in with my cousin till I found a new house."

This might make the plot for a Ram Gopal Verma movie but for Amisha, it was living hell. She eventually found a new job with a leading consulting firm but has not quite recovered from the shock. And, she knows that the world is a very small place and he could still be after her.

Life for a single working woman can be quite tough. And we are not talking about women who are forced to take up menial jobs due to financial necessity. The malady seems to transcend all income and education groups.

"If you are slightly older, people take it for granted that you are either too liberated or too desperate. In either case, you are available. Although I have no problems from my colleagues, the clients whom I handle think it is part of my duty to humour their fancies," says Shipra, a senior manager with a top international bank.

As part of her job, Shipra is often required to meet high-profile clients and maintain "personalised" relationships with them. "It seems personalised relations have to be personal by definition. I often find myself in tricky situations with the client clearly exceeding his limits," she says.

Surprisingly, while the bank follows a very stringent sexual harassment policy that is dictated from its US headquarters, her senior colleagues dismiss the issue. "I am either told that I am over-reacting to harmless small talk or I'm asked to be firm with the individual, but keep in mind that he gives business to the bank," Shipra says.

"Contrary to popular belief, women working in high-profile places face greater threat and intimidation. Or at least, this is one class of working women that should normally be better protected because of their professional background, but still face harassment," says Ritul, an MBA in Marketing who had to resign following problems with her boss.

"Incidentally, Ramesh, my boss, was a graduate from the Indian Institute of Management, Ahmedabad and apparently a happily married man with two school-going kids. He never complained of any family trouble, but that did not stop him from flirting openly. He was so desperate that he often called up his mobile phone company's helpline to flirt with the girls answering the call. If a man answered, the call was immediately disconnected," says Ritul.

Not all women are as lucky or well qualified like Amisha and Ritul to walk out on a job and find a new one in a short time. Kamala, a former journalist who took the plunge into business by starting a public relations firm, says that she has to put up with a lot of physical overtures like touching and fondling from more than one of her clients. "My problem is that I cannot return to journalism as jobs in the media world are hard to come by once you are out of circulation. I started my venture during the dotcom boom when I got several high-spending IT clients. Now, I am saddled with small companies owned by individuals. The owners of these companies believe that by engaging me, they should get all kinds of services," says Kamala.

While it cannot be denied that single working women have to cope with a lot of unwarranted problems, a lot also depends on the individual and how she handles the situation. "I feel that the simplest way to stay out of trouble is to take it head-on. These things cannot be wished away and you cannot always walk out of your job. I am quite clear where I draw the line, and even at the cost of being abrasive. I make things very clear whenever someone tries to make undue advances," says Shipra.

All these women agree that some amount of fun and camaraderie is intrinsic to all inter-personal relationships. The problem arises when there is a clear violation of the norms of decency.

"If you really start worrying too much, you cannot work. But sometimes the situation can get quite crazy. Two girls staying in an apartment in Greater Kailash, a posh Delhi locality, makes neighbours believe that they can be harassed. We get late night knocks and jeers as we come in or go out, especially if we are delayed on a particular day. But that is all part of life," says Neha, working for a private insurance company.

"I just try to stay out of trouble as much as possible. That does include some amount of sacrifice in terms of missed evening office parties or managing time in a way that you get to leave early even on days when there is a lot of work and the male colleagues stay on till late. By and large, I am able to manage," she adds.

Neema, a journalist in Delhi, says she feels she has been "very lucky" about her places of work. Talk of sexual harassment by peers or superiors sounds alien to her, though she has a lot of friends who have many "horror stories" to relate. Neema, who lives with her parents, thinks this is the main reason why she has managed to stay out of trouble. "If you are staying alone, the attitude of men changes, and you suddenly become something of a loose character," she says.

Ritul feels that all women, particularly single working women, have to be a little conscious and take basic precautions to stay away from trouble.

"It may not always be comfortable or possible, but I think we need to be a little more careful. That includes how we dress and how we conduct ourselves. Also, one has to accept that our environment can be unsafe, so it is advisable not to push our luck," she says.

Finally, all these women say that they strongly depend on their sixth sense to ward off danger. "The moment I enter a client's office, I know what's in store for me. While some people are genuinely nice and warm and make you feel quite comfortable, the vibes emitted by others immediately raise my antennae. It is then when I raise my guard," says Shipra.

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