The Hindu Business Line : Treats for the traveller

It may not be unusual to find ‘snakes’ listed along with ‘hamburgers, pizzas, and ice cream,’ at a roadside restaurant. But, how about, ‘complimentary glass wine or bear,’ in a Nepali hotel? Or, ‘French fried ships,’ in Cairo, or ‘All our eggs made with 3 omeletes,’ at a café in the Empire State Building? “All over the world, from Beijing to Buenos Aires, in hotels and restaurants and taxis and zoos, these priceless nuggets of verbal dottiness lie in wait, ready to brighten the lives of the jaded voyagers who chance upon them,” assures Charlie Croker in Lost in Translation ( www.mombooks.com). They are the reward points on our Travel loyalty card, he cheers. “They are the treats we earn for enduring mislaid luggage, deep-vein thrombosis and stony-faced stewardesses.”

It’s English, though not as we know it, chuckles Croker. “Never failing to amuse, they put a spring in our step with nothing more complicated than an off-balance vocabulary and some iffy syntax.”

He begins with ‘plane speaking,’ where you will hit air pockets in lingo journey, such as ‘instructions on a Korean flight’ directing, ‘Upon arrival at Kimpo and Kimahie Airport, please wear your clothes.’ Or Danish airline forewarning, ‘We take your bags and send them in all directions.’ Next comes a chapter titled ‘room for improvement’ with ‘gems’ like this, in Baghdad: ‘No consummation whatever may take place in this foyer.’ Or a Bucharest hotel leaving a sympathetic message as follows: ‘The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.’ A matter-of-fact caution at a Sri Lanka pool advises, ‘Do not use the diving board when the swimming pool is empty.’ In a similar vein, a Tokyo sign counsels: ‘Keep your hands away from unnecessary buttons for you.’ A final word of wisdom in the book, which you can’t keep your hands away from, is that “their English is infinitely better than our Thai/ Polish/ Vietnamese. Indeed, sometimes it’s better than our English.” Uproarious.

D. Murali

http://BookPeek.blogspot.com

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