The Hindu Business Line : Success is a way of being, not just a shopping list

SO many apparently intelligent people chase after success `in the most foolhardy and bird-brained manner', and pay for `cock-eyed success' dearly — "with peptic ulcers, broken marriages and crazy lifestyles," writes Robert Holden in "Success Intelligence," from Hodder Mobius (www.hoddermobius.com) .

Quite true. In the `success culture' around us, success becomes the main goal, an obsession. And we judge our entire life on whether or not we are a success; and secretly attack ourselves for not being successful enough, rues the author, the director of The Happiness Project.

After 21, we hit 30 too soon, and then 40 even faster, writes Holden about how we sprint through life. As Sir Harold Nicolson is cited, "We imagine that we can turn the pages slowly, one by one, pausing at each paragraph. But... the pages are caught by a gust of wind, a hurricane, and they flutter and rush through our fingers." Apply wisdom to success, so as not to forego joy, health or relationships, instructs Holden.

Success is not a race, but a journey, reminds the author. "Create a vision for success - one that engages your whole being," he prescribes as antidote to the `ASAP way of life' we lead in the `manic society'. The danger when speeding ahead is that we can leave ourselves behind, cautions Holden. "The pressure to `crack on' is relentless and we often end up emotionally unavailable and socially isolated."

The paradox of the manic race is that "no matter how fast we go, and how many shortcuts we take, there never seems to be enough time", and we trip into `speed trap'. That is `type H' behaviour, in psychology, short for `hurried, hostile and humourless'. A quote of Rollo reads: "It is an old ironic habit of human beings to run faster when we have lost our way." How true in investing too!

To help, Holden suggests the use of `pit stops', even if for a few minutes a day, to connect again to your vision. Such pauses can be coaching sessions, meditation, prayer, lunch break, an inspiring book, a game of golf, yoga, and time with friends. Holden reminds that stopping can save us time, and also many mistakes and heartaches.

Another chapter asks if you are less busy now compared with ten years ago. Wry laughter is the common answer. Occasional busyness is fine, but most of us are permanently busy, says the author. "We are either busy or looking busy. Busyness is our status symbol," are assertions that you can't differ with, especially because for most of us being busy "looks like purpose, focus, drive and huge productivity."

In truth, however, busyness often hides levels of confusion, fear, anxiety and pain; busyness is often just noise, says Holden. If that doesn't sound nice, read these lines that hit like a tonne of bricks: "Permanent busyness is usually counterfeit success... a façade... a blindfold you wear when you are afraid to face something... When the busyness finally stops, the house falls down." Dangerously, the Chinese word for `busy' is composed of two characters, `heart' and `killing'. Do a `busyness audit', therefore, advises the author. Put some `white space' in your diary, he urges, so that you can set apart 20 minutes each day to make `an internal phone call'.

Whether you are aware or not, sub-vocal speech or inner dialogue keeps happening all the time - "at a conservative average of 50 words a minute, 3,000 words an hour". What's it about? "An assortment of observations, judgments, commentary, beliefs, doubts, hopes, fears, anxieties, chatter and general nonsense," describes Holden.

"Fortunately, it takes only one great thought - one inspired piece of inner-dialogue - to create some success," assures the author. "It is a test of true intelligence to know which thought to believe in, and which thoughts to laugh at let go," because thoughts have only as much power as you give them. "The most accomplished people experience doubts everyday, but they have learned how to choose a higher thought," is an insightful thought. Economics of happiness shows that people who enjoy their work are a great asset, states Holden in a chapter on `the hyperactive workplace'. "The cost of no joy at work is too high for any enterprise to be profitable. Don't work full time and live part time! "At the end of a day of work do you get on with your life or do you merely recover from work?" It would be tragic if you were to say, "I don't have a life."

When the `consumer society' offers you so many options, "it is essential to know what you value and what you really want," else you'd face endless distractions and disappointments, says Holden. "A new model of success is needed - a model that knows that success is primarily a way of being, and not just a shopping list."

Timeless wisdom... if only you have the time!

BookValue@TheHindu.co.in

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