The Hindu Business Line : I am ok, he isn’t ok!

I was fuming when it happened. The driver in front of me suddenly cut speed and attended to his mobile. When we both pulled up at the traffic signal, I let him know that it was wrong to talk on the phone while driving. A little while later, my phone rang. And I attended the call while driving because it was urgent! Why is it acceptable to us to do certain things and not when others do it?

Psychologists have long studied this behaviour among humans. Research shows that we behave this way for two reasons.

Introspection

One, we have more information about our feelings and actions than we have about the others. In the above instance, I was expecting a business call from a prospective client. I had to take the call to confirm the meeting. Otherwise, I would not have attended the call while driving, would I?

I did not have any information why the other driver attended his phone. So, it is natural for me to think that he was wrong in attending his phone and I was right in doing so! Psychologists call this introspection.

Extrospection

The second reason is because we do not observe ourselves when we perform the action. In other words, I was busy attending the call and not watching myself in the mirror to see how I was acting! There is a good chance that I was smiling or laughing gently, just as the other driver was, which is why I thought his phone call was not as important as mine. Psychologists call this ‘extrospection’.

If you were to put in another way, I viewed myself by my thoughts but the other driver by his actions. When we perceive ourselves as different from others based on some action, we feel angry and frustrated. And such feelings are likely to breed aggression and conflict.

So, the next time you see a person doing something that you do not like, stop for a minute to think if you do it too. And then get angry!

(The author is an investment strategist.)

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