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Porus P. Munshi

In all relationships, professional or personal, there is an implicit social contract. Any violation of this contract leads to a breakdown of ties.

Why do seemingly solid relationships deteriorate and break up? What causes that initial rift to crop up? Many reasons are cited such as personality factors or growth in one partner and stagnation in the other. But perhaps the most important factor leading to a breakdown in relationships, whether marital or business, is a change in the often unspoken but nevertheless implicit and concrete social contract that individuals and groups form. To illustrate the social contract, we'll examine how it works in marriage, in organisations and in groups.

One person I know was saying sometime ago that he selected and married a bride who would stay at home. He chose someone who is a good cook and not very educated. Obviously an arranged marriage, and implicit in this is the contract that the wife will stay at home. But what will happen if the wife decides suddenly that she's bored with keeping house and now wants to work?

If she goes ahead and gets a job, the contract will be violated and there will be stresses and strains in the relationship.

In one case, a lady, after years of being a housewife, decided that she wanted to study further and did a Masters degree through a correspondence course. While her husband wasn't against it, he wasn't supportive either. But problems arose when she wanted to continue her studies and then work. She's now doing an M.Phil against tremendous opposition and plans to continue to a Ph.D. Her relationship with her husband has now deteriorated mainly because she's violated the social contract that existed between them. The unspoken contract was that she would stay at home and not get more educated than the husband or get a job.

Such contracts exist not just between husband and wife but also between boss and subordinate, colleagues, friends, and parents and children. In almost all cases of a breakdown in a relationship, some expectation of continued behaviour has been violated. In most such cases, relationships break down because the non-dominant party violates the contract. While difficulties can occur even when the dominant party violates the contract, a breakdown is far more common when the non-dominant party seeks to change the equation.

Note that when some external factors cause a change that both parties have to accept, such as the wife having to work because of a financial crunch, the relationship is maintained; but a new contract will need to be negotiated that subtly changes the status of the wife in the relationship. If the status of the wife (non-dominant party) is not renegotiated, the wife or non-dominant party can now trigger a break-up.

In organisations, social contracts can take quite interesting turns. When I was a Management Trainee with the Taj Group, being in the Food and Beverage Service, I had to deal with a certain senior employee (a non-managerial member of the kitchen staff). As a very senior non-managerial employee, he was always spoken to very politely and with a great deal of respect by us trainees and junior managers/supervisors. No matter how tense the situation, he was always spoken to with care. Then the poor chap got promoted to the bottom rung of the managerial ladder. Once he became one of us, he was yelled at, cursed and fought with almost everyday in the unending production versus service battle. The poor chap just couldn't take it. All his hard-won respect as a senior non-manager vanished when he became a junior manager.

The social contract had changed. This person expected the same social behaviour to continue, but his promotion had changed the equation. Many people promoted into the ranks from management face a similar situation. They feel good about the promotion and think they'll get even more regard and respect than they had, but instead they find themselves in a no-man's land. All of a sudden they're accountable for results, held responsible for problems and difficulties and are no longer treated with kid gloves. They also find that since they're no more a part of the non-managerial staff, they can't even fall back on them for help or emotional support. Deliberate changing of the social contract has been used in industry for years with troublesome union leaders or senior workmen being promoted into supervisory or managerial positions.

Something similar happens when a colleague gets promoted. You are no longer sure how to address him or what social behaviour is now expected of you, just as he's no longer sure about how he is to be addressed in public, in private or how much deference his views ought to get. This uncertainty persists until a new social contract is negotiated.

Groups form social contracts in the famous Tuckman's stages of group formation — Forming, Storming, Norming and Performing. When a group is put together, there is an initial politeness and a seeking of background information among group members. This is the forming stage. Soon however, the storming stage sets in where the group members begin jockeying for status, power, recognition, roles and liking within the group. Members try to establish a pecking order and each becomes familiar with the other's status. A lot of this is unspoken and implicit. Once the individual social contract between group members is signed, the group contract emerges in the norming stage. Here, broad behavioural parameters are established and when any member steps outside those parameters, the others crack down on him. Finally, the group emerges as a performing, cohesive unit.

The social contract is far more prevalent in our lives than we realise. Every time our lives touch another's, a contract is negotiated that guides future behaviour and that causes problems if it is violated.

The author is a Chennai-based HR consultant and can be reached at porusmun@hotmail.com

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