The Hindu Business Line : Go-go grannies

Who says old age is all about loneliness, extended hours of staring at the idiot box, endless hours of waiting for some routine activity to turn into an exciting event, or hoping kids would share more of their time? There are groups of grannies in Mumbai who have decided to take old age head on as it comes.

Independent by choice, cheerful and active, these women in their late 60s and 70s have opted to not only look after their own affairs but also lend a helping hand to others in times of need. With an upper middle class background — their late husbands were top executives — the women are financially independent, own luxurious homes and servants, and cars are at their beck and call.

Their children married and settled (mostly abroad), these grandmothers are out to make an impact on the social and cultural circuit. They choose to visit their children and grandchildren once a year or so, during festivals or other occasions. But it's they who call the shots, and they always come back to their permanent homes in Mumbai.

Nirmala has two daughters settled in the US and another in the UK. She talks with them almost daily on the phone, and when she falls ill, one or the other is ready to come and be with her. But she prefers to be with herself. "I can eat what I want, watch whichever TV programme I want, and go out if and when I want to. All my life I listened to my husband and daughters and had to adjust my time, my hobbies and my reading to suit them. I love my children and grandchildren but now I don't have to worry about keeping the volume of my radio down when my grandson is studying, or having to cook if my daughter is out working. I eat, sleep and read when I like. I am the queen of my house. And I am happy," she says.

Sunita is now in her 70s and did not want to live with any of her children when she lost her partner of 48 years. "If I need them or they need me, we can always visit each other," she reasons, "I love my home which is full of memories of happy times, so why should I shift permanently to another house, however good it may be? I have enough servants, a car at my disposal and no worries about money. Besides, I have my medical insurance to fall back on if I fall ill and am hospitalised; my children will not have to bear the cost."

When Meenakshi's husband died, her sons in the UK begged her to accompany them. But she felt her life and her friends were in Mumbai and she did not want to cut off her roots. She had inherited a lot of shares and other savings from her late husband but knew nothing about investments or finance. Slowly she picked up the threads, learnt about the stock market, bought and sold shares, and invested in various companies. She lost some money at first but gained on experience. Today she is a share broker and advises others on what to buy and when to sell.

Jaya loved decorating brides when her husband was alive. She didn't do bridal make-up to earn a living but for the love of it. But after he died, she took it up as a profession. Today, she is an advisor and coordinator for bridal dos. Both her daughters are in the US and she recently went there when one of her daughters was expecting her first child. After six months, she happily returned home. "It was nice to look after an infant, but the weather there is so dull now and the television programmes are so boring, that I longed to be in Mumbai and catch up with the daily soaps back home," she laughs.

And then there are grandmothers who are part of some committee or other that organises Ganeshotsavs, get-togethers, competitions, fetes and the like. Weekly bhajan singing in local temples, social functions like marriages, engagements and parties are other occasions where the peer group gets together.

Wary of gossipmongers, these women are always cheerful and smiling, helping others in need, and often engrossed in matchmaking. They have their aches and pains, of course, and discuss health issues among themselves. But they religiously undergo annual medical check-ups and take the prescribed medicines without fail. And when one of them passes away, the others attend the funeral and the related rites, sing bhajans together and sympathise with the family. When Devaki, who had started bhajan mandalis in a temple near her house, died, three groups from different localities in Mumbai came forward to sing bhajans on the 13th day of the post-funeral rites.

There are some who have formed a group of their own. They go on pilgrimages and picnics together and have a good time. Sushila has been to Nepal twice and to Hardwar and Rishikesh many times more. But since she crossed 75, she is taking it easy. Until recently, she used to volunteer during the Ganesh festival, where she was a well-known face. Lakhs of people attend this 10-day festival and volunteers are required to manage the crowds, help in cooking and serving, singing bhajans, and decorating the deity. Our lively grandmothers happily do it every year.

These new-age grannies keep in touch with each other regularly, thanks to their mobiles. When Mumbai was waterlogged for two days last year, these women helped the needy with food and shelter. When Nirmala's neighbourhood was inundated, she invited people from nearby low-lying areasto stay in her house and fed them with whatever was available at that time.

There are plenty of such Nirmalas, Sunitas, Meenakshis and Sushilas who have shied away from being dependent on their families and, when the occasion arises, tried to make their lives useful for others. Choosing to live life on their own terms, they are empowered and wouldn't barter their freedom for anything!

Women's Feature Service