The Hindu Business Line : Time to pause and reflect

It was his birthday according to the Hindu calendar. Sitting in his favourite chair on the balcony, he wondered what would happen if he decided, as a birthday resolution, to revive his old rationalist instincts a little more faithfully and openly than he had done for a while. Maybe this arose out of a sense of freedom from the yoke, having formally ended a full-time salaried career, and taken up a more leisurely state. He could always decide later whether the decisions nee d to be aired in public or not.

In his school days, he was proud to be called an agnostic. He could never tell, even if he cared, whether it was just his nature, an inheritance from a Theosophist background of his maternal grandfather and his father. He found no discomfort in adopting an attitude of scepticism to all the typical stories and legends as well as beliefs and rituals. They were fun because there were so many holidays thanks to the Hindu calendar one followed, filled with pujas and celebrations and exc uses for eating rich food, wearing new clothes and getting together with cousins, of whom one of course had a great many, in those days.

Yet as to their transcendental significance, he was quite happy to be at best neutral. The paternal grandfather was a lifelong teacher, a learned man in history, literature and Sanskrit, who recited the mantras and slo kas with a good deal of insight and faith — and was willing to tolerate questions about them. The 14-year-old was never brushed aside for his incessant curiosity. Instead he was encouraged to read widely, so that he sampled a few pages of our philosopher-president S. Radhakrishnan’s treatises on the sacred books, as well as Aldous Huxley, CEM Joad and many others. They called him precocious and he secretly checked the meaning of the word in the dictionary.

Emotional reverses

Willing suspension of belief came naturally in that household, but it was not until he was well into his 20s when things changed significantly. Predictably, it was after some emotional reverses in career and personal relationships; having given up a girlfriend and a job, he tended to be a mixture of cynical resignation, and fashionable philosophising. He began to wonder if there was some sense, after all, in organised religion. Even then his leanings were more towards the spiritual rather than religious, in the generally accepted meaning of the term.

It was difficult to say at this distance, looking back, if it was marriage or responsibility for the family that made a difference; but somewhere along the line he had found it easier to accept the formality of observances, which sneaked into his daily life gradually and fairly rapidly until he was performing the various rites as if to the manner born. Of late, the main motivations for this change were two-fold.

Seeking the comfort of falling in line, not sticking out in company, or having to explain and argue with the more orthodox, was one. If it also pleased everyone around starting with the wife and even the mother (two people who seldom saw eye to eye on anything else) well then, so much the better! Being conventional was easy in Madras, given the reputation of being a bastion of convention and tradition.

Strangely enough, among the liberated and English-speaking professional classes, this two-level existence was normal. They professed faith in stars and horoscopes, good days and good hours of the day, arranged marriages, compensatory penances and official prayers — and still carried on a degree of outward signs of some anglicised, or colonial sophistication.

The same day that one had preformed a formal religious offering in the morning, one could have a glass of whiskey at sundown; and smoking and eating meat were not considered shocking either. The women of the family, especially of an older generation, were always the exception to the rule. They remained teetotallers, strictly vegetarian and could not have dreamed of any ‘minor vices’ as they were politely referred to!

The fear of the unknown

A birthday seems the right and opportune moment to pause and reflect. In any event, at this stage in life, everything appeared better late than never — and intellectual honesty was certainly one of them. The excursions into understanding the forces of randomness and causality compelled him to the conclusion that faith and tradition were convenient but very powerful crutches. Yet the most important reason by far, for anyone conforming out of choice is surely the fear of the unknown, the inability to explain the X factor that must surely be the reason behind the sudden ups and downs in life and therefore the insecurity.

Basically one is acutely aware that one doesn’t really know — but clothes that with theories and assumptions, karma or whatever.

When you can actually say, “I do not know,” which very few are capable of saying, then in that state all fear ceases because all sense of recognition, the search into memory, has come to an end; there is no longer inquiry into t he field of the known. Then comes the extraordinary thing. If you have so far followed what I am talking about, not just verbally, but if you are actually experiencing it, you will find that when you can say, “I do not know,” all conditioning has stopped. And what then is the state of the mind? ...(J Krishnamurti)

Well, then you can ask: can one face this fear, particularly when one is unhappy, in deep sorrow, facing the ending of life in someone near to oneself or the pain of disease, old age and accidents? Of course, this is easier said than done. All the sages have taught us that the true source of sorrow is desire and attachment to the fruits of one’s labours.

We know in our saner moments that peace of mind and happiness have nothing whatsoever to do with the size of the bank balance or assets. Yet we cling to an accustomed way of life and make ourselves depend forever more on the forces of habit and ritual. It required considerable mental energy to stay with a decision to live without props — without adherence to form, or the safe harbour of prayer, in times of distress.

Could one see if one could actually take the consequences of suspension of blind belief? Not that one knew everything by reason alone. On the contrary, life and creation are deep and impenetrable mysteries. They fascinate and engage the mind, when contemplated in isolation but in the grip of any specific sadness or difficulty in life, family strife or conflict, one feels safer to put the load on the Lord’s shoulders as the old expression has it. Yes, but would he have the courage?