The Hindu Business Line : No kidding

The popular notion these days is that more and more couples are deciding against having children early in the marriage, or not at all. Priya Sawant, recently married, definitely seems to think so. “One look around you says it all; there is certainly a decline in children at public places and what else could explain this? Except for the possibility that couples today are thinking it through before having kids,” she reasons.

Her views appear to find an echo in Bhavana Kohli, a married woman working with HUL. “The pressures of managing a good work-life and balanced personal life are becoming more and more unrealistic. Couples are choosing to live their lives with fewer responsibilities. On the other hand, it’s also very expensive to give a child the best of everything that one would wish to, this is in fact one of the reasons why lots of couples are opting for only one child or no child at all.”

Others such as Akhil Mehra, a married man, blame it on poor support systems. “Unlike in the West, in India we don’t have good crèches. This leaves working couples with just two options — either forego the career or leave the kids with parents, in-laws or maids and none of these are ideal options for the upbringing of a child.”

High-pressure urban lifestyle and the options for unconventional career choices also seem to be influencing decisions on parenthood. Saumil Shah, who has been married for some years now, says, “Women’s empowerment in the last few generations has made many women question the idea of having a family and being a housewife and mothering children; they wish for more, desire a better lifestyle and now even have the opportunity to achieve it. In my opinion this is the biggest reason for couples opting for this choice.”

Seconding this opinion is Shreya Rajshingh, a housewife: “The fact that women earn as much as men and are seeing greater opportunities for themselves is the reason they opt for not having children. I completely disagree with this trend… I don’t believe that women should be doormats and rely on their husbands. But having a family and balancing their duties is equally necessary and absolutely possible if handled and planned correctly. Women have done it earlier, so why not now? I feel this generation is just getting too complacent and comfortable in their ‘own zones’, and hence this trend.”

But many couples, including those married for long, remain firm in their decision to opt out of parenthood. “I don’t feel the need to be a mother, I don’t wish it, want it or believe that this is an important part of married life. I disagree when people say that being a mother is the most beautiful part of a marriage. My husband and I have been married 18 years and we have never felt the need for having a child or even tried having one,” says Rima Shah, who works with her husband in their diamond business.

Her husband Hiren agrees, “We have always had good flexible jobs as we work in our own business, so there has always been a good financial backing and no lifestyle restraint as such, but we don’t wish to have children and it’s a mutual decision.”

Lending another angle to the debate, Srikanth, a single man working in a media organisation, has this view to offer. “I have many married friends, including those with children, and many of them question the idea of having a child… I believe if you don’t wish to have children, it is much better not to have them than regret later.”