The Hindu Business Line : Not sound bites

Chatting with a fellow resident in my hostel room years ago, I suddenly became aware that she was trying her best to look away. Her face also had that self-conscious I’m-trying-not-to-embarrass you countenance. I knew something was wrong but couldn’t tell exactly what. Till I caught a whiff of the orange I was eating. All by myself, without having offered her any.

Now that I’ve confessed and got my own thoughtlessness out of the way, let’s dwell on others’. A friend talks of how, invited somewhere for a business meeting one blistering summer’s afternoon, she was made to wait for a while before finally meeting her host. Throat parched, she could barely croak a few words in greeting before he ordered some coffee. The poor woman tried not to look affected as she watched him drink the sole cup that was delivered without so much as asking her if she wanted some.

All of us have, some time or the other, encountered hosts who are rude, socially inept or plain thoughtless. I remember attending a press conference organised by a religious mission which was about to celebrate a landmark year.

The monk addressing the meeting concluded by saying that the year of celebrations would see more such press conferences, and that the media should extend its support and “give good coverage”. In return “we will give you journalists nice tiffin like this, each time”, he said, referring to the upma and other snacks served on the occasion, with a — was it mocking — smile, arms widening to approximate the size of the spread. Don’t remember reading reports of more of their press conferences.

A colleague tells of a really long meeting she attended. An hour-and-a-half into the interview, the subject asked the publicist to arrange for more coffee, solicitously offering my colleague some. Before she could say anything the publicist jumped in, saying: “Oh, but she already had a cuppa before you came in, I’ll get one for you.”

There’s the flip side too. If you don’t fancy eating a meal-sized snack at odd hours, you are the one deemed bad-mannered. But that’s a better risk to run than being asked personal questions like “Are you dieting?” sotto voce, concerned or teasing, never mind that your relationship with them is strictly professional, or that you have no relationship with them at all!

Then there are benedictions that needn’t sound like one. When a friend approached a certain age, a relative called to greet her on her birthday.

“Effectively, half your life is over,” he told her. They further went on to discuss how it was better to live a life well-equipped (read limbs and other faculties intact) rather than aspire to a longer existence devoid of such facilities. The birthday girl found the entire situation and discussion hilarious, but her friend who heard of it was outraged and indignant. Admittedly, not the best of subjects to discuss when you’ve got through one year and are on the threshold of another, especially if your age has begun bothering you.

One can go on and on but before I end, here’s another instance of a well-meaning statement that didn’t sound quite right: When an uncle was asked why he hadn’t been present at so-and-so’s death ceremony, he made his excuses, saying he would make up for his absence by being there the next time!