The Hindu Business Line : How to ace an interview

Is it a coincidence that in the days since my last column the markets have crashed and most stocks have done badly? I have received reports that hundreds upon hundreds of budding young managers have been abandoning their positions in front of Bloomberg terminals to run and make their resumes. My tips on resume making have set the recruitment markets on fire!

Shame on all of you! You did not wait for my insightful tips on the next most important step in the job-getting process: The killer interview. Without the right fundas on cracking those pesky interactions with potential employers, the right resume is merely a worthless document full of fabricated fact and exaggerated truth.

So waiting for that all important phone call are we? Or is it that discreet e-mail to your personal account? Perhaps a hush message in the corridors?

Whatever be the mode of communication, nothing perks up the young manager's spirits like a call for an interview. Pulses race, adrenalin pumps and your existing job responsibilities go out of the window. There is a swagger in your step now as you walk over to your colleague's cubicle and ask him for his best suit. (The one just the right shade of blue with the pin stripes.)

"Cousin's engagement next week," you say.

"Oh drat! My nephew is getting baptised," he retorts apologetically.

You are immediately on guard. Your colleague is lying through his teeth. Perhaps he is interviewing for the same job. Something about the baptism puzzles you. You decide never to trust Venkatachalapati again.

But dressing right is just the first step. Acing an interview involves a coordination of so many vital faculties that several young managers are stumped. One needs to look right, prepare the right answers, plan out the perfect questions and even have a few jokes handy. (The relevance of the last will become apparent as we go on.)

The right answers

One of the most exhausting aspects of a job interview is the sheer number of questions you will be asked. But, and trust me here, this is a necessary evil. Most companies ask you tough questions, which require comprehensive long-drawn answers. There are several good reasons for this. Your answers help them understand your personality better, your enthusiasm for the job, the skills you bring to the table, your culture fit with the organisation and, most important, it also helps your interviewers stay away from their desks where they might normally have to do mundane things like sign documents, shout at sales staff or craft corporate strategies.

So here are some of the most popular questions I have been asked in interviews:

Tell us a little bit about yourself (This means the interviewer does not have a copy of your CV. A golden chance not to be missed.)

Where do you see yourself five years from now? (Say something sensible. Like Manager or Director or something. Lower Parel and Jabalpur might seem like correct answers. They are not.)

Why do you want to do this job? What excites you about it? (Fight the tendency to say money, power, expense account and cute receptionist. Instead say something like learning opportunities, growth scope, day-to-day challenge. It sounds ridiculous now but appears much better when you are actually saying it.)

Why are you quitting your existing employer? (Do tell them the hours were long and arduous, personal freedom was limited and the pay was ridiculous. Leave out that this was in prison.)

Do you have a criminal record? (I answered honestly to this one. So they asked me the next one.)

Do you know your way out?

So as you can see, there are simple strategies to deal with such questions. All it needs is presence of mind and a good grounding in contemporary English fiction.

Once you have navigated through this maze of probing questions, you will often be asked to throw a few questions of your own at the panel. Please be careful here and avoid the mistake a friend of mine made just last week.

My friend: "So where does United Plywoods see itself going forward in this liberalised and globalised economy?"

Interviewer: "I do not know. You will have to ask them. We are Syndicated Textiles."

My friend looking puzzled at his diary: "No more questions."

Make sure you are ready with one or two intelligent questions. If you are a good listener you can ask something like "Has your company's strategy been successful?" or "Why is your stock price currently at seven paise?" In most cases interviewers will talk on such topics for at least fifteen to twenty minutes each. Use the time to take a break and have a cup of tea. However, do not get up from your chair and leave while the person is speaking.

So that leaves us with only one important element in this intricate game: Projecting your personality through a great sense of humour. This is important not just because you are taking advice on interviewing from a humour columnist and don't know better, but also because an interview that ends in laughter is often a successful one. (Provided both parties are laughing.)

This column believes it is safe to prepare a few jokes before hand when you go into an interview. But do be prudent. The following is a total no-no.

Interviewer: "You have atrocious grades! Did you study anything at all? What was your favourite experience in business school?"

You: "Lunch break. Ha! Ha Ha? Ha??!!... Sorry."

But spontaneous humour is the best way to go. It enlivens an interview and spreads goodwill all round. Keep your eyes and ears open, and you should easily be able to slip in a few mirthful ones during your interaction. I suggest `knock-knock' jokes, especially during the latter half of the interview. It has worked for me several times across all my fifty-three job interviews.

So there. Now you are all set to go forth and wreak havoc with recruiting managers everywhere. Best of luck and I do hope you will write in with your experiences and feedback. (The newspaper has been told not to reveal my home address.)

(The writer, an alumnus of IIM-A, was a management consultant before quitting to work on a book and a full-time writing career.)

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