The Hindu Business Line : Go ahead and smile

This persecution complex is overstressed. We have to engage in an open sincere smile, not a coy "come hither" one. The chances of being taken advantage of are remote. In the unlikely event this happens, moving away with no more interaction is a constant option.

Most of our faces look better when we smile.

Recently, when I reminded my 24-year-old son to smile , he laughed and told me about an article he had come across in the New Delhi edition of a national newspaper . It talked of cultures that smile the most and India was among the last — 124th on the list, with Denmark as number one.

This made me think of my own experience. My daughter, only seven years old at the time, asked me one evening, "Mummy, how come you only smile when you are working with foreigners?" And I realised that I had put on my Western adaptation hat to communicate with them and show I spoke their language. Out of the mouth of babes comes the best knowledge and from that day on I forced myself to become conscious and smile more. It is easy to forget and self-reminders are the need of the day. Even as I type these words, I have to become aware and lift the two muscles on the side of my mouth. And even as I do it, it makes me happy. Smiling is a learned behaviour.

"Indians as a race are very serious people aren't they? Why don't you have a sense of humour? Why don't you have fun?" I have repeatedly been asked questions like these on India in the past eleven years of interacting with thousands of foreigners from over 70 nationalities. It made me feel that it was time to spread the "smile" message. In fact, we always incorporate this module into every "Global Indian" workshop we run. The purpose is to learn those skills that preserve and enrich our core Indianess, while learning to adapt to world ways.

Who should I smile at?

Smile at people in an elevator.

Smile at a waiter in a restaurant.

Smile at a co-passenger on a bus or train.

Smile at the watchman, driver, tea stall vendor, receptionist, client, whoever you share physical space and time with. Even momentarily, when you make eye contact, do include that smile.

A few days ago I flew to Kochi . My co-passenger was a smiling young man who helped me settle in my seat with a simple gesture of moving his bag over a little more to accommodate mine. The next thing I knew, we were chatting and by the end of an hour we both had a new friend whose e-mail address was scribbled on the back of the boarding pass. Tamizharasan was his very Indian name. He was from a small village in South India. He said he worked in a top R & D centre in Germany as a radio frequency analyst in a 3rd Generation mobile technology . He had re-learnt this art of bringing overt courtesy to his body language from living in a different country.

Will he think I am currying favour with him?

He will, if indeed you are. If you have no hidden agenda then this "currying favour" belief deep down inside is one to get rid of and it's time to boost your self-esteem. Confident people smile more.

What if I smile and others take advantage of me?

What if I smile at the wrong time?

I didn't ask you to grin from ear-to-ear or accompany it with multiple questions. I definitely don't recommend that you smile when your boss/customer is yelling at you. Animals too bare their teeth and part their lips, but it shows anger not happiness as our smile does. A smile is meant as a friendly acknowledgement of another member of the human race. When you are listening to someone, attentive silence is displayed by nodding your head with a smile.

How do I look when I smile?

No, you don't look funny or ugly or even odd. Most of our faces look better when we smile. Don't be shy, show your teeth and speak the only language that connects the whole world. How? By following the three simple steps below:

Put down this newspaper

Go to a mirror

And, smile

And see for yourself how good looking you really are!

(The writer is Founder-Director of Global Adjustments, the Chennai-headquartered cross-cultural training and services company)

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