The Hindu Business Line : `Leveraging' meetings

This week, I will tell you a little about that inevitable phenomenon in the life of a manager. There is no way to run away from this little element of the manger's daily routine. Several managers have achieved greatness through them. Some have met their doom. Companies have risen to new heights because of them. Others have been driven even deeper into the red. But one thing is for sure: they are way more fun than actually doing any work.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, I am talking about `meetings'.

A recent study showed that meetings occupy up to 60 per cent of a decent manager's workday. Better managers spend even more time in boardrooms convening meetings and discussing ideas of grave importance to the organisation's ongoing success. A brief observation of our offices pretty much makes it clear that the mark of a good young manager is the ability to be constantly involved in meetings. Meetings maketh the manager my dear friends.

Now this can sound daunting. After all aren't meetings supposed to be all about opening up and interacting with one's colleagues? Does not one often have to take up responsibilities and express opinion? Isn't it really difficult to stay awake during those monthly review meetings? Is there any way I can use this to boot out my boss and get his company Octavia?

Sit back while we take you through each of these pertinent questions.

Now a meeting is how companies ensure that their employees work together as teams and are able to pool together all their talents into solving a problem. Like, for instance, deciding whether the canteen should serve paneer or bhaingan on Tuesdays. Of course, this is a very simple issue, bhaingan sucks, but even such a meeting gives ample opportunity for the young manager to bring his intellect, enthusiasm and leadership to the fore.

To start off, one must ensure one is invited to these meetings. Without an invitation there is simply no scope to exhibit the talent that is bursting within you. Let us assume this meeting is being called by the Admin Manager. He has called in a few members of the staff who seem to have opinions on dairy products and icky vegetables. You being a new member of the staff are yet to be identified with either camp. You casually walk past the Admin Manager's office and all the while speak loudly into your cell phone: "Sidin here... Yes, yes please use carrots instead of beetroot... The nutritional value is much higher and it is better for digestion... You are welcome... Any time... Any food item... Any dairy product... No problem... I haven't spoken to Sanjeev myself in a while... Bye Tarla... "

There should be an e-mail with an invitation in your inbox in no time.

It is important to be well-equipped when one turns up for the meeting. One must always carry two extremely important items that can make all the difference. The first is what is known as the `keep-me-awake' device. This can be a printout of interesting newspaper stories or comic strips all nicely formatted and printed out on company issue A4 size paper. Staple it into a nice thick deck but the covering sheet should have a large font heading in a severe typeface. Choose something sober sounding but innocent enough to raise neither suspicion nor interest. For instance `Dietary nutrition analysis and regression tools database - advanced' or `The 2006 report on combinatory digestive processes and catering epistemology'. So while the titles sound relevant enough to read during the meeting, no one will ever ask you for a look at the document. The other device is merely the hands-free for your mobile phone. Ensure this is connected to your cell phone at all times and that your cell phone is then loaded with a select few of your favourite MP3s.

Excellent. Now you are all set for a great meeting. Start off by merely keeping your peace and figuring out an important fact: Who the senior-most official in the room is. Once you do this, make sure you develop a rhythm whereby you nod at everything he says but frown at everyone else. In between, if you feel sleepy, and this is inevitable in meetings, feel free to dip into the printout for a quick laugh. Underline as you read for added effect.

Once in a while it can happen that you are asked to comment on something. Many young managers wake up, wipe the drool from their chins and make the mistake of saying something insignificant like "Absolutely!" or "I agree completely". They are immediately forgotten and often get laid off at the first sign of a drop in profits. What you must do is leave an impact. For instance, you have just completed a Calvin strip when the boss points at you and asks for input. You have no idea what was being discussed. You say: "I would really like to refute that opinion. But some of the justifications given have some basis in the data I have here. I could read it out, but it is too technical and involves binomial equations. Barring any further information I would concur but only partially sir. I am not comfortable completely as this can affect the whole organisation."

In one shot you have marked yourself for greatness. The boss will have identified you for special attention if not outright reward. You have shown true potential. This, of course, might not work always. You may sometimes need to work even harder to get his attention. This is easy enough. During a momentary lull in the meeting when, say, tea is being served, suddenly sit up straight and act as if you have a call: "Hello? Yes... I am in a meeting... I don't like being interrupted... Come on... You don't need me for everything. I can't be that important... You are my immediate superior for God's sake... Ok I will do it when I return... " Apologise quickly and refocus on the meeting.

The boss will be mesmerised and should make a mental note to gently give your immediate superior one month's notice.

You may also listen to MP3 music between such nuggets of wisdom. As the meeting progresses and gravitates towards a conclusion, normally what the boss says, continue with vigorous head nodding, copious note taking and tome reading. Finally, at the moment of truth, the boss will finally ask everyone if they all agree to serving delicious paneer. You will sit up straight, smile, look at your notes one last time and utter soberly: "That is a sound decision that I can see no immediate fault with. A great team effort I think. Bhaingan was good, but just not good enough. Good one boss."

Retire to cubicle and pack your things while your immediate boss shifts out.

(The writer, an alumnus of IIM-A, was a management consultant before quitting to work on a book and a full-time writing career)

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