The Hindu Business Line : Art of managerial survival

I am back again this week with, and this is only between you and me, the only useful management advice you are going to get anywhere. And don't take my word for it! Last week, one of the readers of this column wrote in to say how he was a devoted regular and skipped all the other news to read `Sid Says'. He even implemented most of the stuff he read here. I was very happy for him and wrote him a thank you note. I asked him to continue reading this column and to keep adopting the nuggets of advice which he found useful. With the note, I attached a complete legal disclaimer absolving me of any responsibility for the impending... er... developments in his career. I am hoping he gets adequate hints. Which gently ushers us into the topic of today's discourse: `How to read between the corporate lines and understand the unspoken language of management'.

Or in layman's terms: `Why being selected employee of the month probably means you are going to be fired and they are already negotiating salary with your replacement who is cheaper and actually knows things'.

Any keen observer of the corporate world will tell you that companies today are more closely watched and tracked than ever before. A tiny product recall and The Wall Street Journal is on it in a flash. Someone said something inappropriate to the new secretary at the office party? Leave it to a popular Indian English language daily to give it front page reportage followed by extensive coverage on several news channels culminating in a live televised debate titled: `Deteriorating morals in the Indian workplace — ISI hand?'

Gone are the days when companies could announce an IPO one day and then abscond the next. Today, SEBI would stop them in their tracks, frown at them fiercely and fine them amounts in excess of several hundred rupees. Tough times.

So there you are, the young new manager, skipping and hopping to work every day with not a care in the world. "Nothing can happen to me. My job is secure, my employer is responsible and honest and my career is sound." You step off the bus with a song on your lips, stroll through the gates and are stunned to find that your office, the erstwhile R&D and Testing Complex, has been sold to a millionaire who has converted it into a hypermarket overnight. You will now take care of ladies footwear and stuffed toys.

Every working day, things are happening around you in the office and people are taking decisions that can impact your life drastically. But you have no idea, simply because you haven't kept your eyes and ears open and never read between the lines.

So today, let me tell you how to overcome this hurdle in planning your career. Let me explain how and where you should look for subtle hints to what the people up above are scheming in their evil plush-carpeted, leather-swivel chair-seated boardrooms. Pay attention closely. (You can ignore me if you wish. No hard feelings at all and can I please have those red stilettos in size four please? And a small purple teddy bear. Yes, purple.)

First of all, socialise with office boys immediately. They know everything and say nothing. Unless, of course you, new manager, draw them into your circle of trust. The reason is very simple: Office boys can walk into any room anywhere in the office carrying a cup of tea and no one will care. They can rummage through the papers on someone's desk and no one would raise an eyebrow. I once saw the office boy format a colleague's laptop in broad daylight and everyone walked past ignorant. I have no idea why he did that and I thought it unfortunate when my colleague got fired and I got promoted.

The office boy, dear reader, is your most important ally in the battle for stable careers. With him on your side, half the game is won. Let his ears be your ears. His eyes, yours. The rest can be separate.

The next piece of advice I have is this: `Trust No One'. No not even that sweet rotund fellow who is your CEO and everyone thinks the world of. Let me illustrate with an example of something that really happened to a friend:

Friend: "Sir, you called me?"

CEO: "Yes yes. Come come. James what is this I hear you are quitting? This is not good. We are on a growth path and this is the best time ever to work in our company... "

Friend: "But sir... "

CEO: "Are they paying you more? I can give you a little bonus if you want."

Friend: "Sir... that is good, but I am Krishnan from Accounts."

CEO: "Oh God! You want to leave too?"

(Office boy enters CEO's office... )

Office Boy: "CEO saab I have taken printouts of your CV and couriered it to the HR consultant. So totally I have sent it out to 17 people now sir. Anything else?"

CEO: "No that will be all... "

So when anyone tells you anything in the office, please take it with a pinch of salt. (But do spread the good rumours around. Every office needs them!)

The final and most important thing is to do is to make sure nothing escapes your notice. Someone move your furniture? Take away your stationery? Salary delayed by a couple of days? Overnight, boxes of high heels and Krrish dolls appear in your office? BEWARE! All this could possibly mean that sinister going-ons are afoot. To help you decipher these company observations I list in the accompanying chart examples of what you may see and what this could mean for the company.

See how simple and self-explanatory it is? So go forth and interpret my dear friend! And don't miss a single hint!

(The writer, an alumnus of IIM-A, was a management consultant before quitting to work on a book and a full-time writing career)

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