The Hindu Business Line : A matter of space

Last week, I was at a party and felt uncomfortable even though the person I was speaking to was someone I knew well. Suddenly, I realised what it was. The physical space between us was too close for my comfort. I took a step back to balance it out and get comfortable again, but the person stepped forward to fill it once more! Then, I stepped back further and the person moved forward and the game continued...

In England there is a saying: "I am the letter `D' and this (the curve in front) is my space. You are another letter D facing me and that curve is your space. We both have to hold conversations without invading each other's space and then we will be comfortable."

If we don't observe correct spatial behaviour in different cultures, it is distracting enough to prevent communication. Let's look at some key areas:

Elevator

In the elevator or lift , everyone observes the same routine in most countries . They face the front and look up at the display of floors as they light up above the door. In the West, it would be rude to stare, instead, at someone else's dress, papers or worse still — cleavage! It is taboo to face the other way around and hold a conversation . So the spatial rule for elevators is — grow slimmer and taller as more and more people come into the lift; if you make eye contact smile briefly, and when you need to exit before others, say "excuse me" and step out. Always let people get off an elevator before you get on. Always go up on tip toe to let them go past you if they get off on a floor before yours, or even step out to let them out and then step back in. Stay silent, preferably, (it is just a few seconds after all) or speak in low tones if you must.

Conversation

In the Western world, the `D' space translates into staying at handshaking distance of the other person. In Japan, move further away and stay at bowing distance, maintaining this space throughout the conversation. In the Arab world, don't be surprised if they stand really close to you. It is okay in that culture as they hug to greet each other, remember? General rule in India — stand about two feet away.

Queuing

Whatever space is available, let's fill it or someone else will butt in! That seems to be our motto. When we queue up to buy popcorn in a cinema theatre, at the office cafeteria or even at a cashier in a glitzy mall, we need to learn good manners. .

The rule for queues is to stay behind the person in front without touching any part of him, his clothing or accessories. Of course, if someone keeps this respectable distance, then it is up to us also not to cut in the middle.

The best part of learning etiquette is to be mindful of the other person's requirements. Be aware that there is a queue and watch out for others; this is an art we have lost in India that we need to cultivate.

If you are not sure in the US, they will ask you "Were you here first" or "Which way is the queue/line". Similarly, if you butt in they will remind you, "There is a queue back this way."

Let's form only one queue when for a common need. For instance, forming as many queues as there are bathrooms at public toilets confuses foreigners when they come to India. Margaret, a Chevron spouse, once told me, "I was waiting patiently and everyone was passing me by, then it got too urgent and I realised I wasn't going to get a chance to go, so I followed the crowd."

Dining

When you are at a table and sitting close together, it is best to watch where you place your arms. The rule when there is food on the table goes like this: "Wrists - always, forearms - sometimes, elbows - never." This simply gives more room for all diners and makes dining an enjoyable experience.

All observance of spatial behaviour is part of an important life practice — putting others first. It makes you a better human being.

(The writer is CEO of Global Adjustments, a company that offers integrated India destination services and cross-cultural education delivered through the portal www.globalindian.com)