The Hindu Business Line : Looking the part

In the last few columns, we've been caught up in a lot of the mechanics of being a manager. You know what I mean, all the theory and science and methods and tools and all that jazz. Seriously, even I was beginning to get a little bored. I'd pick up the newspaper on Monday mornings, read something and think "Man! Who writes this boring drivel? Wait his name is here, Sidin Vadu... Oh... "

So this week I've decided to lighten things up a little. So let's all just grab a cup of coffee, lounge around and chat in a laid-back fashion. Those in high-pressure work environments may find this difficult to do. This chilling behaviour just does not come naturally to them.

Let me help you. Get up from your chair. Now stand with your arms loosely hanging on each side and take a couple of deep breaths. Now gently, without rapid movements, pick up the phone and randomly call one of the summer interns who may be hanging around in office. Ideally, he should be someone you have never seen or spoken to before. Then talk to him so:

"Hello who is this? Hi Vinay! I am Sidin from marketing. Vinay, you are a total idiot and I am surprised they took you on as an intern. If I had to rank everything in this office in descending order of utility you would come in well below a used laser printer cartridge. But that's only because you make a good cup of tea. I want a 50-slide presentation on our marketing strategy on my desk by noon. I don't want to see or hear from you before that. Thanks and I hope you will join us full time if we make you an offer. Ha Ha. I was joking. Bring me a Darjeeling. Well then, don't look at me when you bring it. Bye."

Ah, feeling like a million bucks yes? Great. So all set for a leisurely edition of `Sid Says'?

Now this week, I am going to debunk some myths. These myths are a staple of newspapers everywhere. You know the type. They have jazzy titles like "Total Excel", "Advance Now" or "Ergonomic Executive" and have gargantuan illustrations in psychedelic colours. The pictures are so big that the entire column they come with including title, byline, body, footnotes and author profile often use 17 words or less.

Dress sense

A popular topic picked up by these supplements is the one we will debunk today. (I love that word. Debunk. Debunk.) And that topic is: `Dressing for the workplace'.

A simple Internet search for the above phrases throws up over one million results. Most of these are extremely passionate articles by various "experts" on how one must or must not dress at work. Besides being clichéd and extremely repetitive, these articles are also blatantly misleading.

There is nothing we hate around here more than `Sid Says' readers being misled. If someone said, "It's ok. You don't even know your readers. Let them be misled yaar," I would immediately debunk that idea.

So, to help you young managers really understand the intricacies of dressing for work, I will now correct a few popular misconceptions about dressing for the office. Yes, my dear friends, I am going to debunk them.

Myth 1: Never compromise on the quality of your clothing. Well-tailored clothing gives the right impression of professionalism.

Truth: This is wonderful advice that you must follow if you want to use your bonus to buy a world-class pav bhaji and a small bottle of mineral water. For nothing screams "You pay me too much you fools" like a well tailored set of clothes and nifty accessories. We advise you to look as close to financial distress as possible. The company needs to know you need the largesse.

Boss: "Cool shirt Sidin."

Sidin: "I know! I had to sell a kidney to buy it!"

Boss: gasp{gt}

Myth 2: Always maintain your individual style of dressing in the office. Don't follow tired styles and methods.

Truth: I had a close friend who followed this ideal to the letter and went on to become one of the most laid off people in human history. There was a reason for this:

CEO: "Who do we fire? Our Board is baying for blood!"

HR: "Not fire sir. We don't use that anymore. Outplace or right-size are better. Someone in marketing maybe?"

CEO: "But who? I don't know anyone."

HR: "There is that guy who wears the Calvin and Hobbes tie to work... "

CEO: "Oh! Let him be the first one then."

HR: "Ok"

CEO: "They have Calvin and Hobbes ties? Wow."

Stay low profile; till you reach middle to senior management. Then freak out.

Myth 3: Always follow the company's dressing policy if they have one. For instance if there is a `Friday dressing' policy, then follow it.

Truth: I am sorry to disappoint all you jeans and corduroy aficionados here, but `Friday dressing' is a myth just like the Bermuda Triangle and `frank and open feedback'. In the bustling business environment it is often difficult for top management to identify the really serious and committed employees. So in the same way that when your boss says "work-life balance" he actually means "your work-my life balance", `Friday dressing' too is a misleading policy that easily highlights the people who have enough free time to actually choose different clothing for one day of the week. In the same way that good clothes means you are paid too much, choosing your casuals diligently on Fridays means you don't have enough on your mind. Stick to the white shirt and navy blue pants please.

Myth 4: Never ever wear provocative clothes to work. It is not professional.

Truth: We have often discussed here that the most important way to ensure career progress is to be popular at work. The more they know you, admire you and remember you, the more your chances of doing well. Now I don't have to tell you how clothing can make you very, very memorable at work. If you are one of those people who think that memorable and un-conservative clothing cannot help you grow in stature and secure success as a professional, then I have only three words for you: Pamela Anderson Lee.

(Robust people have a problem here. What they should do instead is circulate pictures and videos of other well-proportioned people in suitably memorable attire to build a good popularity base at work.)

Myth 5: If you are absolutely confused about what to wear, just wear what your boss does.

Truth: This is really not all that bad an idea. It is a safe bet and sometimes bosses don't mind their underlings following their lead. However, a word of caution is called for. A friend of mine, a certain Mr Ashutosh, recently became the butt of many jokes after he followed this rule a little too strictly. His boss, Ms Neena Thomas, was not amused. She debunked him on the spot after appreciating the excellent stockings.

Till next fortnight, adios and be dapper!

(The writer, an alumnus of IIM-A, was a management consultant before quitting to work as a freelance writer, author and general handyman. He blogs at www.whatay.com)

More Stories on : Management | Sid Says | Human Resources

Article E-Mail :: Comment :: Syndication :: Printer Friendly Page

Stories in this Section
Looking the part

Learn to manage success

`Leaders should manage both efficiency, innovation'

Aspects of leadership

Why managers need history

Think clearly, act with conviction

For bruised work environments