The Hindu Business Line : A personal touch matters

It has been almost two months since my dear friend Chandy passed away. It seems as though I just got the shocking news of his demise, and disbelievingly visited his home to see his mortal remains. Thirty-eight years of friendship extinguished in a trice. Befittingly, his funeral service was attended by lots of people from all walks of life whose lives he had touched.

Chandy represented the acme of friendship — someone who cared deeply for all his friends and equally important made sure to show it regularly. Every year, his booming voice would wish me ‘Happy Divali’. Chandy is no more, but he left an enduring legacy for his friends — a powerful message that life is all about staying in touch.

The world that we inhabit is one that is constantly morphing into something that is ever more frenetic; something where the quest for constant connectivity seems to, paradoxically enough, make the world an ever more impersonal place.

For instance, Indian society is slowly but steadily transforming itself from one where joint families are the norm to where such families are an exception. In the workplace, it is very common these days to see people sending e-mails to co-workers who are situated just a few cubicles away; the younger ones who are SMS savvy, zapping SMSs to each other frantically. The problem comes when this becomes the sole or most important means of communicating even matters which require the human touch.

There are many issues that are best conveyed personally because of the sensitivities involved and which cannot be addressed through essentially impersonal media such as e-mail. The main reason being that body language constitutes over two-thirds of any communication and the lack of personal interaction leaves the communication open to negative and unintended interpretations.

Today, when distance and the pace of the work place make professional interactions more and more impersonal, it becomes very important to take every opportunity to be in personal touch. Good news always sounds sweeter when shared personally wherever possible. The human psyche is especially sensitive to negative inputs which are impersonally delivered and has a tendency to read between the lines, and progressively make it look more and more negative. To paraphrase Edward M. Hallowell, in a technology driven world, ‘high tech definitely requires high touch’.

In the olden days, when times were more relaxed, good manners were a sine qua non for all. There was time to pay obeisance to the rules of polite communication. Today, when both time and space have shrunk, it may seem difficult to a dhere to any elaborate practices. Nevertheless, it would be advisable to extend at least the basic minimum in terms of courtesies to all those we come in contact with, most importantly those who are at the bottom of the pyramid.

Firstly, it helps in reinforcing self-worth, especially of those who are juniors in the hierarchy. This is a gesture which can alleviate the sense of loss and alienation of those who are at the very bottom of the food chain. Secondly, there is a practical dividend as well — those who are extended such courtesies most often repay it with their responses to our requests. It is best done as a natural gesture; if that is not possible, even a cultivated gesture is good enough. It is critical to send out messages of inclusion even as the environment presages exclusivity.

The Holy Trinity of “thank you”, “please ” and “I am sorry ” still carry a powerful punch. It makes sense to use them liberally.

(The writer is advisor to 3i Infotech, Blue River Capital and IDFC Pvt Equity.)