The Hindu Business Line : Navigating the abbreviation alphabet soup

We kick-start this issue of ‘Sid Says’ with a moment of reminiscence. This is an example of notices that were frequently found in my inbox on weekday mid-mornings as soon as I reached office:

“Dear All,

This is to inform you that the ATQPS meeting will begin at CRF1 immediately after lunch. This time our HTH issues will be APQP, PGR, MSDS Optimisation and ISOFC recommendation implementation.

Last week, for our ‘making TGHF happen’ meeting, very few people turned up and even fewer stayed past the second refreshment break.

Behaviour like this seriously affects our 20KGS performance. Please refrain from doing that. We don’t want APGMC thinking we are lax about NPMA.

Also during last month’s corporate governance meeting, several extra pens and writing pads were stolen from the boardroom. Please return them ASAP.

Regards,

VSPTRG Reddy

Manager - F&A”

The point I am trying to highlight here is simple: Abbreviations are an integral part of management and are much easier to excel in than, say, Excel.

Recently, as many of you without social lives or friends would have noticed, there was a summit of ASEAN leaders in Manila.

Now ASEAN is one of those extremely relevant international bodies that play an important role in our lives, especially in the area of secondary school geography questions: Which of the following are member countries of ASEAN? Andheri, Mars, the Philippines, Tuberculosis.

On the following map, mark any two countries which are or are not members of ASEAN.

Answer in detail all the important functions and achievements of ASEAN or If we asked you what the capital of Egypt is, would you say Cairo?

I was in the top 100 in my school you know.

But again, the important thing is that when ASEAN met in Manila, they first issued a list of abbreviations, over 600 of them, so that the delegates and journalists could avoid situations like this:

Delegate from Brunei: “Now I will display details about AASROC!”

Journalist: “Whoa! Whoa! Not in front of everyone, surely.”

Delegate: “That’s the Asian African Sub-regional Organisations Conference...”

Journalist: “I knew that...”

We just have to accept that abbreviations are here to stay.

Just look at marketing and branding for instance. Rarely does a day go by when we are not exhorted to use a product just because it now comes with the added benefits of a cool-sounding abbreviation. Now where, amidst all this wanton shortening of phrases, does the young manager come in?

As you may have seen in my opening missive, abbreviations are now more than just a conversational device. They are also an effective managerial tool. This is where you come in.

This column has always held in the highest regard any tool that will help the young manager to shine at work by looking busy and involved.

We have seen several methods of doing this: Using worksheets, carrying papers around, always talking on the phone and periodically running anti-virus software. Deft use of abbreviations is the latest one in the kitty.

An expert grasp of abbreviations communicates many things about the manager: he is well tuned-in with work, has an advanced intellect and is of indisputable integrity. Now here’s an illustration:

Boss who returns to office after a prolonged business trip and runs into young manager in the lift: “Hey VSPTRG Reddy! What’s up with you man? How’s work and all? I hear it’s been tough in your department lately.”

Reddy, who is in a hurry this morning as there is a problem in the server room, and was just informed on his mobile that one of the machines has shut down and his download of season seven of Friends maybe lost forever: “Err... umm... yes, yes sir... terrible. Too many things happening, but we do our best... bringing in the revenues... pumping up our sales. You can always depend on us. We will slog away. Fight the competition tooth and nail, Sir.”

Boss: “But you’re in Corporate Communications.”

Reddy: (Deathly Silence) “Have I ever told you my full name?”

Now clearly Reddy is not someone who reads this column. In these pages alone, we have discussed of ways of handling this elevator conversation better.

But today, let’s look at a new one: The Short Form Defence. Let us relive those tense moments for Mr Reddy again:

Boss: “Hey VSPTRG Reddy! What’s up with you man? How’s work and all? I hear it’s been tough in your department lately?”

Reddy with enormous presence of mind: “Oh yes, there is a huge problem in the SR with S7 and this will just completely screw my total F.R.I.E.N.D.S. completion protocol. But I think I will manage.”

Boss: (Oh, S7? Must be something in networking maybe. Damn! Must not appear stupid!) “Oh yes, yes. S7 is the toughest. I remember back in the good old days when I used to struggle to get it to work in the SR.”

Reddy: “But still I think S3, S4 and S5 were much better. The scripting was so strong, the writers were excellent.”

Boss: (Ayayyo! This fellow is good...) “Oh, of course, of course. You don’t get writers like those anymore.”

Reddy: “And don’t even get me started about those new J.O.E.Y. release. It’s just pathetic I tell you.”

Boss: “Oh that sucked big time Reddy”

Reddy: “Okay see you around boss! (Numbskull)”

Boss: “Toodley Oo! (Genius)”

So brush up on your abbreviations all you boardroom warriors. Use them judiciously and with gusto.

And don’t worry if you don’t have any. The people at ASEAN have enough to help you make it to VP at least.

(The writer, an alumnus of IIM-A, was a management consultant before quitting to work as a freelance writer, author and general handyman. He blogs at www.whatay.com)

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