The Hindu Business Line : It’s all in the family

The month of August was nearly over, the Boss shifted uneasily in his seat. He always dreaded this period. Business was tight, the clients demanding and the employees, revolting!

It’s different, he mused. “Everything’s changed,” he murmured to himself. Getting to office meant leaving an hour earlier, navigating crazy traffic, with youngsters zipping at suicidal speeds on two-wheelers wedged between buse s driven by crazed drivers. Whew!!

Everyone was moving on to new things. God knows what they do. Things were simple in the eighties. One could plan for the future.

There was time, one could pause, savour the morning air, and reach office on time. Now it’s mostly soot.

His reverie was interrupted by the click of the door. Sheetal, Human Resource-in-charge, walked in, her face grim.

“How many?” said boss gruffly. “Five!” replied Sheetal.

Nothing seemed to help, people came and left, and all that the exit surveys indicated were better opportunities.

“I’ve been thinking,” said Sheetal.

“Huh,” grunted Boss.

“There’s one way of reconciling all of this,” quipped Sheetal.

“And what might that be?” said Boss, his voice sounding somewhat tremulous, his brow knitted in tension.

Sheetal took a deep breath, she knew the warning signs. She had to come up with something different.

“You” said Sheetal slowly, “are the spouse!”

“What!” said Boss, at once irritated. These HR types are always coming up with frivolous games, thought Boss.

Sheetal watched her Boss’s reaction with amusement.

“The employee is the bride” said Sheetal, and not wanting to loose momentum, “the team members and HR are the in-laws and the rest, relatives,” said Sheetal quickly.

“Sounds as if I’m running a harem” said Boss guffawing, while Sheetal chuckled.

The tension had lifted for now.

“How many wives have I got?” said Boss, suddenly warming up to the theme.

“Five-hundred-and-twenty. Those are the latest figures,” said Sheetal in her usual, somewhat nonchalant manner.

“Just look at it like this,” said Sheetal. “The orientation and induction is the engagement process, where expectations are thrashed out, and the confirmation marriage,”

“Presumably, the exit will be the divorce” the Boss interjected.

“Yes, precisely,” said Sheetal with satisfaction.

“Which brings us to…” said Boss.

“The secret of marriage …?” said Sheetal, and looked at Boss meaningfully.

“Yes it’s been a long time, 35 years happily married,” said Boss smiling.

“Well …” said Sheetal waiting.

“If you ask me…, it’s respect for the other person, giving space, mental and physical, good communication, trust and not having unreasonable expectations,” said Boss philosophically.

“How do you think we’re doing in each of these areas?” asked Sheetal.

“I’d say, not bad at all, it’s the expectations that are troubling, I suppose,” said Boss

“Yes, that’s the frustrating portion,” said Sheetal.

“May be we should go to a more rural setting. People there are not as crazy as the city folk,” said Boss.

“True, but easier said than done,” replied Sheetal.

At that moment, Kumar, Head of Accounts, burst into the room. “Have you seen this?” he said hotly. “That chap has been with us for only a year and he wants a pay increase of nearly double.”

“Say NO!” said Boss. “That will make it six,” replied Sheetal. “And you’ll have 519 wives,” she added laughing.

Kumar looked confused, “Five-hundred-and-nineteen wives!” he said, wide-eyed.

“You see, it was Sheetal’s idea,” said Boss.

“Whatever, I’m sure it’ll be hell” said Kumar.

“Not literally, it’s only an analogy. Don’t be so dense Kumar, you accounts guys must learn to think out of the box,” said Boss, a trifle irritated.

“If we did, we’d never be accurate and honest,” said Kumar grinning.

“Boss is the spouse, an employee is like the bride, the team and HR in-laws, the rest relatives,” said Sheetal with a flourish.

“Just like a big fat Indian wedding. Any how, what do I do with the pay increase request?”

Find out in the next episode.

(The writer is Director, People Practices, e2e Business Solutions.)

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