The Hindu Business Line : The power of dumb ideas

Today, we will ask ourselves a very simple and straightforward question: In this current bullish economic scenario with India poised to be a major world power, how come I have only Rs 732 in the bank? What, you don’t care? ‘Not my headache,’ you say? As long as the column is there to read what happens to the columnist is irrelevant, is it?

Sigh. OK. I will change the question. But under protest.

Instead, this fortnight, let us try to answer the question that has popped up, at some time or the other, in every young manager’s mind: ‘Why do some of the biggest companies out there do some of the most moronic things possible?’

Each year, one of the largest business magazines in the US comes out with a list of the ‘101 dumbest moments’ in business. Of course, they do pad the list a little with random tidbits which are more trivial than actually nincompoopish. But still, the list is essential reading and will keep you occupied for a good hour at least. So search for it on the Internet right away.

(Though I must admit that the pleasure of reading such a list is not purely from a managerial perspective. In fact, most of it stems from the sheer joy of seeing other people being subject to misfortune due to their own misdeeds. You know, like when you see those home video shows on TV where less-than-brilliant teenagers use a combination of skateboards, concrete, gravity and troubled childhoods to produce spectacular compound fractures.)

So why do such smart, rich, resourceful and experienced companies and individuals do such stupid things? And it’s not just the multinationals that are prone to this. In all probability, the very company you work in every day regularly throws up clangers that, often, no one in the company is able to explain or justify.

Thankfully, as is becoming a habit with this column, I will reach into my vast reservoirs of managerial experience and pick out the main reasons why stupid ideas not only get thought up, but also get implemented in the biggest and best companies. Sit back, crack open a can of… err… diet cola and let’s begin.

The Moron at the top of the Pyramid

Often, the greatest pools of stupid ideas in a company reside in the office of the person in charge, i.e., CEO, Proprietor, Country Head, Secretary of the CEO, and so on. Therefore, when an idea craving ridicule is generated at the top, in most cases it is wholeheartedly accepted by the company. Observe:

CFO: “Therefore, our cash flows are looking extremely tight. We really need cash to tide over the next few months.”

You: “Why don’t we get a lot of credit cards and swipe them for all our expenses…”

CFO: “You may proceed to HR to collect your termination letter.”

Now consider this:

CFO: “Therefore, our cash flows are looking extremely tight. We really need cash to tide over the next few months.”

CEO: “Why don’t we get a lot of credit cards and swipe them for all our expenses…”

CFO: “Sir, I will immediately append this to the official mission statement of the company…”

CEO: “But I have one doubt.”

CFO: “… also I will immediately sanction a performance bonus for the idea.”

CEO: “Then OK.”

You stab my back, I stab yours

One of the most critical aspects of career advancement for young managers is to highlight the considerable incompetence of other young managers. This means that when people in a company come up with outstanding ideas, other young managers try to undermine these ideas immediately.

To the novice young manager this might seem counter-productive: Won’t the company do badly? Won’t this affect your bottomline? Is this not bad for the stakeholders like employees, customers and shareholders? I don’t stand a chance of making CEO do I?

Of course you don’t. As you understand corporate dynamics, you will learn to suppress other people’s good ideas and try to push in your own. Which, in turn, they will try to kill. In the end, the CEO is forced to take a stand. Refer previous section.

Cometh the hour...

Coming up with a good idea may sound cool and glamorous. But it also comes with a scary rider: You might also have to implement it. Gasp!

At this point you must learn my latest discovery: The Inverse Idea-Incentive Theorem. It is stated as follows:

‘The more effective the new manager’s idea, the more will the implementation be a part of his performance appraisal and the more generously he will let other people share the bonus pool…’

This alone is not nearly dramatic enough for me. So I end my theory with the words: ‘…therefore drastically reducing global warming.’

The end product of this is that a lot of people tend to keep quiet at meetings even if they have the most brilliant ideas. This way, they can really focus and work on killing the branch office Solitaire record. Also, they get the quiet satisfaction of seeing other people’s ideas blow up!

Why ruminate when you can delegate?

Many companies depend on external advisors to come up with ideas for them and also to implement those ideas. These advisors and management consultants have vast knowledge of your industry and understand global dynamics due to the three hours they spent on the plane reading your annual report earlier that morning.

After a rigorous analysis of your company and your problems, they then spend several days conducting workshops and seminars and study tours so that you won’t notice the fellow using your office Internet connection all day. He is using the Net to search for terms like “Good ideas to rescue my client company. Preferably with PowerPoint presentation.”

As soon as these ideas are implemented, two things happen simultaneously — consultant leaves for airport and CFO reads up on Chapter 11.

To err is human, to forgive ...

Finally, companies keep putting out clangers because they simply don’t fire the people who come up with bad ideas. Now I am not saying that people don’t deserve a second chance. Of course, they do. And third and fourth chances and so on. But when the guy upgrades his hard drive in order to house the “Oops, I think I goofed” folder, it is time to move him to Corporate Communication and have a rethink.

As you can see, there are several ways in which perfectly good companies end up doing the stupidest things. As young managers, your focus should be on two things: Always let other people goof up. And never end up being held responsible for an idea.

Those, my friends, are the greatest ideas of all!

That’s it from Sid Says for now. See all of you bright and fresh in 2008. Till then keep the faith, keep it funny and tell the family I said ‘Hi!’.

(The writer, an alumnus of IIM-A, was a management consultant before quitting to work as a freelance writer, author and general handyman. He blogs at www.whatay.com)

Readers may mail us their feedback, queries and suggestions to thenewmanager@thehindu.co.in