The Hindu Business Line : When to ask for more

The basis of etiquette is always to raise the comfort level of the other person and if we lived in awareness of this single principle, then we would not make too many blunders.

The other day, a young colleague brought chocolate bars for her team mates to thank them for supporting her in a project.

And one of them asked her, “Do I take one or two?”

The question was innocently asked, but caused a moment of fleeting awkwardness in her.

Let’s look at a simple, possible scenario: If one person were to take more than his or her intended share, there may not be enough chocolate bars for all the people on the team. This premise dictates that you don’t ask that rather embarrassing question, doesn’t it?

Also, how could she say “please take just one and if there is more I will bring it back to you” without feeling like she was insulting the colleague who wanted an extra bar of chocolate?

I am often stunned at the lack of simple common sense where good manners are concerned. We can’t act with a provincial mindset – not when India is in full view of the world , attracting $1 billion of overseas funds and investments a week as newspaper reports say.

So it may be a good idea to look at a few occasions when it is okay to ‘ask for more’ and also to understand what to say, when to say it, how to say it and how much to say when you are asking for more:

Ask for more work when you don’t have enough to do or when your company has work that needs doing and not enough hands to do it. It will protect your job in today’s economy; no boss lays off her best and most willing worker who stretches herself to full capacity.

Ask for more clarity on a task when it is given to you . E-mails and SMS can be confusing and cross-checking to understand the task properly will provide you with efficient and timely task completion possibilities.

Ask for more money when the cause is good, but always affirm “if the budget allows it”; whether right now or later, you will get what you deserve.

Ask for more advice when you are not sure of what to do or how to do something. There are many experts right in your front yard; you simply have to recognise them. And as they say when you want money, if you ask for advice then money automatically comes too.

Ask for more food when you really appreciate a dish, but make sure there is enough for all first and then take a small second helping to ensure enough seconds for all.

Ask for more time while taking on a task by assessing the real hours or days it might take, but especially when you know you won’t be able to complete something you took on. Do it before the set deadline so that there are no unpleasant surprises from unexpected delays.

Ask for more help to prioritise tasks when you have too much to juggle and can’t really decide what needs to be done first.

Ask for more information on topics which are of interest to the other person (a sport, hobby, a recent trip); chances are they will enjoy telling you about it and the chat will help build interpersonal relations.

Ask for more help when you can’t do it by yourself. Seek additional resources or technical tools to speed up and improve efficiency. If you clearly show the RoI (return on investment), people give you people or gadgets.

Ask for more authority to take independent decisions. Also take the responsibility this brings, being aware that you will be subject to scrutiny— show you are a person of substance.

So to go back to the story of my young colleague who was thanking team members with chocolate bars, here are a few other responses I heard from her team members, which were a great match to the generosity of the original gesture:

“How kind of you to bring this to thank us.” — Simply stating the obvious.

“You didn’t have to go to all this trouble, but thank you.” — Showing that it was an unexpected gesture.

“I love Cadbury bars; always glad to help.” — Including a specific comment in the thank you.

“That looks delicious; it was a pleasure to be of assistance.” — Commenting on the past and present, i.e. the project and the chocolate bar.

“We always wish you well; good luck for the future too.” — Building the relationship further.

(The writer is Founder CEO of Global Adjustments, a relocation and cross-cultural services company, and author of Doing Business in India for Dummies. She can be contacted at info@globaladjustments.com)