The Hindu Business Line : Don't let work become a life-extinguishing affair

IT DOESN'T matter how much you earn, how much you possess, or how many trophies you have won. Thus states the blurb of Ed Brodow's Beating the Success Trap, from Harper Collins (www.harpercollins.com). "To be truly successful is to be able to say: `I spend my time doing what is meaningful to me.'"

The book explains how you can redefine success to coincide with your own temperament and preferences; overcome fears about making constructive changes to your life; defeat the abusive voice inside your head that wants you to feel like a failure; and so on. Brodow explodes myths when saying that failure is often better than success; getting fired can be the best thing that ever happened to you; and that following your bliss is better than following the herd.

Intro presents the grim reality: "Millions of people have struggled and sacrificed for the happiness that is supposed to come with success, only to meet with disappointment." Who are these people? Outwardly they are prosperous, seemingly content, on top of the world, but inwardly they feel empty and unsatisfied. "Our narrow definition of success has trapped millions of unsuspecting people in lifestyles that do not satisfy their real needs and cravings. They have acquired the symbols of success, but rather than feeling successful they are burnt out and disillusioned."

At times, your self-image can be a big hurdle, writes the author. "A gut feeling, which can only represent the truth, flies straight in the face of our self-image." The problem with this obstacle is that we put an extraordinary amount of energy to maintain it. "It is the neon sign we wear through life that broadcasts how we want to appear to the world. The trouble is, we forget that it's just a neon sign and take it to be who we really are. So when a crack appears in it, we feel as if there is a crack in our entire sense of self."

Success is one thing, but being compulsively successful is another. "The compulsive nature of achievement robs it of all joy," Brodow cautions. "Compulsive people don't keep going because they really need to get somewhere; they keep going because they cannot stop." You make your own destiny. This is the message that Brodow echoes when writing that many people render themselves helpless, fearing they would not fit into the system. "It's safer to be a cog in the machine than to be at the controls," is that elusive search for safety.

The author then puts readers through `assertiveness 101' — eight principles such as know what you want, ask for it, don't undermine yourself with negative self-talk, practise expressing your feelings, learn to say no and so on.

On work-related stress, a far too common malaise of current society, he notes that the real cause for stress-on-the-job is that we have forgotten why we work. "There are only two valid reasons to work: first, to be able to create and maintain a desired lifestyle; and second, to do something that provides enjoyment or fulfilment." Why is it necessary that one has to pay attention to what one chooses to do as work? Because it takes time to make money, points out Brodow. "If we lived in a world where it took people five minutes a day to earn their daily bread, no one would care very much whether they picked up garbage or painted murals. We can tolerate anything for five minutes." For the majority, however, work becomes a life-extinguishing affair — a four-letter word.

Workout is essential if work is killing you. "A well-balanced workout plan focuses on three areas: wind, strength and flexibility."

The first involves cardiovascular activities such as running, swimming, basketball, handball and aerobics. For strength, try moderate weight lifting. To gain flexibility, the prescription is yoga, "the antidote to old age."

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