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WE ARE all trying all the time "to close the gap between where we are and where we want to be", writes William Cottringer in You can Have your Cheese and Eat it Too," published by EastWest Books (Madras) Pvt Ltd (ewb@touchtelindia.net). "The trouble is we are often impatient and try to make improvements and close the gap before we even understand what we are trying to fit into or what the gap is all about."

The author presents his ideas through a cat-and-mouse-conspiracy and demystifies what looks like a riddle — eating cheese and having it too. "Cheese is anything you think you want that you think you can get by doing certain things," he defines in the intro. "Small cheese is money, a house, a car, a job, and some degree of success — those sorts of things. Big cheese is happiness, peace of mind, self-actualisation, contentment, wisdom, and enlightenment."

But there are "seven deadly mousetraps" between you and your cheese. Thus, on day one, there is `either-orness', with kittens hiring a professional lobbyist to help them present the first law to the cat legislature: "Everything has to be either this or that." Either-orring can make you see only half the world, "because all the important stuff was always within the other 180 degrees". But there was "actually 360 degrees to the big picture".

Day two, it is `unlikability', by when "mice had rejoined many of the opposites they didn't even know were part of the same thing". Also, they began to see right in wrong and wrong in right, and how things such as "creativity and logic could work together in a complementary fashion." Second law outlawed likability, so "negativity, unfriendliness, unhelpfulness, selfishness, and other unlikable things became common". Sadly, "obnoxious and repulsive personalities surfaced everywhere, including chronic whiners and complainers, know-it-all show-offs, up-tight perfectionists, narrow-minded prudes, drama stirring queens, promise-breakers, and backstabbers, just to mention a few — and these unlikable types could be found in the best mouse houses."

The third trap is `babble', and the corresponding law read: "Babble is the only permissible language, and listening is a crime". This only lead to miscommunication. Ironically, "miscommunication was even misunderstood, and that doubled the confusion." Some mice "went around changing definitions of words in dictionaries without telling anyone else," and so "words could now have unspoken and hidden meanings." The resulting insurmountable mountain of mayhem required a huge amount of space and time, narrates the author, and you'd confirm by looking around in your office.

`Hide and seek' happens on day four because the law reads: "Everyone can play hide and seek but can't know it is just a game". Thus, "average mice prepared resumes at work, cheated on their income taxes, told little white lies to their friends, engaged in mild road rage, and committed occasional acts of adultery". But there were the one that played edge games too, including: rationalising poor performance and "reality zone surfing". The trouble with these games was "they had forgotten who was in charge of their destiny."

`Duncery' comes next, because the law read, `no more quality thinking'. That meant stopping to ask questions "because that would challenge whatever wrong beliefs". Pitiably, "brains developed a lazy way of answering questions their mouths should have been asking". For example, "if some particular brand of cheese wasn't in their favourite cheese store, they just assumed it wasn't being produced anymore." Day six brings `narcosis — the legalised drug of choice.' Thus, "past knowledge stayed hidden", and new knowledge seemed `useless'.

Last comes `instantneousmania' meaning `there is no more time'. This brought in "new hyperspeed shuffle", where "the pure centrifugal force of the merry-go-round spun off all the worthwhile and important things mice needed in order to keep up with the changes but they were going so fast they couldn't see what was happening." An amendment to this law brought in the diktat, "Everyone must waste time." Time-wasting is an easy habit to pick up, we know. First, get disorganised "so nothing could be found". There are "many more clever time wasters", informs the author: "Never writing anything down, winging in without any kind of priority do-list, allowing uninvited interruptions all the time, and letting the boring routine things pile up... "

A book worth skipping work for!

ManageMentor@TheHindu.co.in

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