The Hindu Business Line : The saree that Nehru spun while in jail

IT WAS on January 25, 1968, that Sonia and Rajiv got formally engaged, chronicles Sonia: The Untold Story, by Ashwin Varde and the editors of Society. No media attention then, none now too, for the date passed by without sycophants and cronies lining up to greet their supremo. Marriage took place a month later, on February 25, "which was also the day when Indira Gandhi tied the knot with husband Feroz."

Nicholas Nugent wrote in his book Rajiv, Son of a Dynasty: "The wedding was a simple nondenominational ceremony in the garden of 1, Safdarjang Road. Sonia wore a saree made from cotton, which Nehru had spun while in prison. It was the same saree which Indira had worn for her wedding."

Promila Kalhan, who was among those present, recapitulates: "No more than fifty guests attended the wedding because that was the number the lawns could accommodate."

A thought that is for those who relish extravagant bashes these days.

Learn, on the run

MARILYN TAM'S message in How to use what you've got to get what you want is straight: that you're good enough just as you are. "You don't have to wait for anything, anyone, or any situation before you can start making a positive change in your life. You don't have to wait until you get a new job, lose 15 pounds, move to a new house, get a new relationship, and so on."

A common excuse is to say you'd do once you know it. "Learn it on the run!" exhorts Marilyn. And, once you get into something, do it one hundred per cent; this doesn't involve `life and limb' but just that you've to be "fully present and dedicated to the project you've embarked on."

To women, the author's message is to forget about glass ceilings and to worry about glass walls.

Good read.

Most listeners talk too much

LISTENING doesn't come naturally. Wrong, says Colleen McKenna in Powerful Communication Skills. Listening needs both mental and physical activity, and we spend 80 per cent of our time listening. "Research shows that 40 per cent of your professional salary is earned by listening... 80 per cent of a CEO's salary is earned through listening." Try reflective listening which "allows you to focus on the central points of the issue".

To do this, you indicate your interest in what the other person says, involve your whole body, and don't interrupt. "Most listeners talk too much," observes Colleen. "A good listener strikes an effective balance of reflective paraphrasing and silent responsiveness."

Are you listening?

Spaciousness lets you multitask

DALAI LAMA writes in his foreword to Tibetan Wisdom for Western Life, by Joseph Arpaia and Lobsang Rapgay: "Training the mind is a steady process of familiarisation." The book seeks to develop `five primary mental qualities' through meditative exercises. These are steadiness to stay focussed, pliancy to help your mind stretch and flow, warmth that allows you to be open to the unexpected without prejudging, clarity to assist in analysis, and spaciousness that is experienced "as a sense of freedom, of mental vastness".

Remember that the last quality is required for humour and creativity. With spaciousness, "you can follow many ideas at once." You won't feel overwhelmed, because "there is room inside your mind for everything that might demand your attention."

A book to make space for.

When distraction helps

BEHAVIOUR therapy can put you back in control, assures Scott E. Spradlin in Don't let your Emotions Run Your Life. In one of the chapters, the author classifies `distress tolerance skills' into two, viz: `crisis survival' and `acceptance'.

Crisis may be losing a job, failure in school, skipping an exercise, or the prospect of spending the weekend alone. You need `crisis skills' or activities to engage in "when you find yourself in crisis and it isn't possible at that moment to change things for the better".

Try distraction as a remedy, so turn a bad situation into something worse. Acceptance is to simply acknowledge "what is before you, whether you like it or not." Thus you let go of `fighting reality'.

A book that can distract you from misery.

Don't give your power away

YOU feel your whole energy is gone, but before giving up, try Alan H. Cohen's Why your Life Sucks and What you Can do about it. Don't give your power away by making someone or something outside of you more important than what's inside of you, advises Alan.

"If you do not value who and what you are, you will seek to borrow worth from the outer world. You will look for validation from people whom you believe know or have more than you." Stop, exhorts the author.

"Unsucking your life is an inside job."

Are you ready?

Books courtesy: Magna Publishing Co Ltd (www.magnamags.com)

Tailpiece

"When a succession plan doesn't succeed... "

"You have a failure, right?"

"No, there'd be a coup!"

ReadingRoom@TheHindu.co.in

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