Business Daily from THE HINDU group of publications
Monday, Nov 06, 2006
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Business Daily from THE HINDU group of publications Monday, Nov 06, 2006 ePaper |
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Lifestyle Variety - Trends Columns - Racy Cases The disposable elderly? Goutam Ghosh
Raman's mother, Sweta, is over 70, but her toothless smile still lights up a room. Her grandchildren, Anusha and Preeti, adore her, especially her tales about their father's mischief as a child. Though Raman is close to 50 he is addicted to his mother's fingers. Sweta would scratch his back for hours when he was a boy. His sleep depended on it then; now his well-being seems to hinge on his mother's fingers. So soon after he returns from office, he pulls off his shirt, hitches up his vest, curls his back and goes to his mother, whispering, ``Ammu, quickly my back!'' She gets her much-deserved respite when work keeps him away. This man-child now wonders if he should send his mother away to an old-age home for domestic ``peace''. Raman's wife, Seetha, cannot stomach the criticisms of her mother-in-law. Seetha is employed so she finds it impossible to give the attention Sweta needs. Raman: Angel Mercy Home is the best around but each room there is cramped with beds. You can hardly walk. One bedside cupboard is shared by two boarders. Many aged people live under a thatched roof. In summer it certainly is hell because there aren't enough fans. My doctor friend says many elderly people die during the summer. Seetha: But she won't be lonely. Just imagine, alone in such a large house. At Angel's she will have people of her age. We saw they have group activity; some even help in the kitchen. She will be happy. Raman: There is a huge difference. Here, she has a room for herself; we wash her clothes and she is not forced to help. There she will have to wash her own clothes, wash her own plates ... It is unfair to expect her to struggle at her age. Seetha: We can always pay the dhobi to wash and iron her clothes... Raman: Paying is not everything, Seetha. She needs me, she needs her grandchildren, and she needs you ... Seetha: Oh yes, she really needs me ... that's why she keeps saying that you could have got a better wife. Every time my friend Kavitha comes home, she hugs her and says, ``You are so beautiful!'' She has never said anything pleasant to me. My cooking tastes bad, my tea insipid ... Raman: Come on. At her age all she can do is pass comments. Ignore them... Seetha: I just can't take it any more ... Raman: I still believe it would be a sin to send her to Angel's ... Seetha: She would be happier away from me. Either that or she wants to see me go away. Raman: You are being nasty... She is not as crafty as my mother-in-law. Your mother will say things behind our backs; my mom is upfront. Seetha: We have gone through that many times... and each time it is unpleasant. Raman: Your mom has many children to take care of her, and your dad is still alive. My mom has none except me. She lost two children. Not easy for a mother. My father is no more. Whom does she have except me? And you are driving me to send her away to an old-age home. How long do you think she will survive? Maybe 10 more years... Seetha: I am not driving her away and maybe she will outlive us. Raman: Again you are being nasty. Seetha: No, I am not. It is a possibility. Raman: So what if she lives to be a hundred? She will see her great-grand children. (pauses) But I don't think she would like to see me die before her. It will be too much for her. Seetha: Hope I go before that. (Anusha and Preeti return from school and walk into the room.) Anusha: What's happening? Both so sullen? Fought again? Seetha: No Anusha. We were discussing about keeping your grandma in an old-age home. Anusha: Why? We went to an old-age home as part of social service. I did not like it. Many elderly people are unhappy. It is terrible to feel unwanted, mom. Why do you want her to go? Seetha: It is not that I want her to go. We are discussing. Raman: Where are you for her? You are with your friends or your phone. And Preeti is busy fighting with you. It is not enough to say Hi. Do you read her the newspaper? Do you talk to her about your school, and how you are doing? Sometimes you ask her to tell you stories, but do you bother to take her for a walk? Never. At least at Angel's there will be group activities. That will prevent depression. Anusha: There was a time when there weren't such homes. And families were happy. Seetha: Familial tension was the seed. Joint families broke up; nuclear families emerged. Anyway, your dad must decide. Raman: We will give it a shot. If she doesn't like it, we will bring her back. Now to find out what she thinks. (Turns to Anusha and Preeti) I don't like to see your mom moving around with a long face and my mom passing snide remarks about her. (Goes to Sweta. Anusha and Preeti accompany him.) Raman: Ammu, I know you are unhappy here. My children have no time for you; you and Seetha do not like each other. I was thinking of putting you in a home. What do you think? Sweta (her toothless smile): What do I think? (pause) I don't think anymore. I am waiting (points to the sky and prays). Raman: Stop talking rubbish. Tell me what you feel. Sweta: I really don't know. I will be among strangers. Anyway, who will scratch your back (turns to Anusha and Preeti) and who will tell stories about your dad? I really don't know, Ramu. I feel lonely here, but I don't know how the home would be. Take me there if that makes you happy. *******
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