Accomplished doctors with noble ideals and benevolent intentions are, no doubt, next to God. Having said that, let me add that a few strange professional obsessions of some doctors have amused, if not baffled me.

THE ANGEL OF TWIN SHOTS

Dr Pat (name changed) handled all disorders effectively but administered two injections for many ailments where one was the norm. Blissfully ignorant of this, I met him for a bout of cough. He wanted to give me an injection and I extended my right hand. I squirmed in agony and was about to get up when I felt a prick in my left hand. A second shot had been administered. That evening, friends who spotted me flexing and massaging my biceps in both hands like a wrestler preparing for Olympics, asked, “So, you visited the two-injection doctor?”

Once I took my impish sister’s son Mani, who had high fever, to Dr Pat. Seated in the lobby, I prepared the boy mentally and broached the subject of two injections with him. “Uncle, I have severe stomach pain. Take me home in your scooter right now”, he threatened me with fiery looks. I had no other option than to rush him home, where he recovered dramatically in ten minutes from 102.4 to 98.4 degrees with just the fear of twin injections working wonders.

Bull on the rampage

The next time I took Mani to the same doctor for an injury in the leg, I strategically kept mum and managed to lead him to the doctor’s cabin. The doctor instructed the nurse to prepare two injections, perhaps as a matter of routine, hearing which Mani ran amuck in the room like a bull baited with red cloth and wreaked havoc.

To unravel the dual shot mystery, one day, I made bold to quiz the doc, “Doctor, is it dosage of one divided by two or two different injections that you give?” The doctor looked straight into my eyes. Then like Betal not answering Vikram, he went back to square one, nay two.

SIXER off A DOOSRA

Dr Nathan was a senior doctor who worked in a private clinic in the seventies and eighties after serving in government hospitals. He was a perfect gentleman and a philanthropist. After advising patients to sit on the stool placed close to his chair and calmly listening to their complaints, he would invariably begin thus, “I should have your stool (read biological stool) examined. Then only, I’ll prescribe medicines.” He heavily relied on the outcome of stool test results to decide on the course of treatment.

A first-time visitor to this doctor entered his chambers and unleashed all diseases in his repertoire. The doc lent his ears and finally delivered his usual doosra about stool test. But the patient hit him for a straight six. “I have heard about you doctor and readily brought the sample. I will hand over to lab and meet you tomorrow.”

Dr Harsha was another veteran doctor, down to earth in his approach. To the majority of his patients filing in with complaints of cold and flu, one could hear him parroting, “Avoid curd, buttermilk, ice and juice” with the enthusiasm of a pre-KG child reciting a classic nursery rhyme. Many more line up in my mind’s eye but before I proceed, I realise that I feel feverish and need to see a doc. So, let’s get back to the first line. Accomplished doctors with noble ideals and benevolent intentions are, no doubt, next to God.

(The author works as AGM, Powertech Engineering LLC, Muscat. Views are personal)

(This article was published on April 8, 2013)
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