It’s just a number, not a sentence

A few years ago, I turned 50.

If you’re in your 50s, you’ll know about the endless chatter around ageing. You will be told that this is the beginning of the end of your life as you knew it before you hit the big five-oh.

I first started feeling the dread in the pit of my stomach in my early 40s when the grey in my hair suddenly went up from a few strands to many. Lines sprouted around my eyes and forehead and suddenly my mouth had permanent laugh lines round it. As for the rest, any woman in her 50s knows, it is the end of perky and the beginning of a free fall for everything from your breasts to your morale!

But what really hurts is not the physical manifestation of ageing, but what the world tells you about it. “Stop colouring your hair,” says the woman at the gym. “You must age gracefully,” goes the neighbour’s mother-in-law. “Ma’am, why don’t you buy this brown shade instead of that red? Aunties your age generally buy this at our store,” a girl at the cosmetics section in a mall once said to me — and I saw red like never before.

Sudha Menon

I let the relentless, thoughtless messages get to me and, for a long time, I found myself in a morass. My friends said it was menopause, my husband and daughter tried to help me, but, eventually, I decided to take control of the situation. One afternoon, I thought of my mother, a feisty 72-year-old who rediscovered her mojo late in life and reinvented herself as a food entrepreneur and a writer. I then thought about the circus my life had become — with mood swings and frantic searching for my glasses, phone and house key — and decided I would write about all of these things.

Writing Feisty At Fifty: How I Stay Fabulous At Fifty-Plus brought me face-to-face with the things that really mattered. Through this book, I found my recipe for how to remain feisty at any age and here they are:

F is for cultivating friendships, especially female friendships. Nothing is as good for our souls as the company of close female friends who will cheer us on when we embark on new ventures, lend us a shoulder to cry on when we fail, insist we get back on our feet to try again and stand by us through thick and thin. When my first marriage to my college sweetheart ended, it left me with depression and guilt. But my friends, my mum and two sisters let me cry my heart out and vent. They nurtured my soul and reminded me that I was a strong woman who had a passion for life and great dreams to fulfil.

E is for energy. Women need immense energy to do the things that we have on our plate. At almost 70, JP Morgan India and Asia CEO Kalpana Morparia is one of the most energetic women I know. She hits the gym every single day, which, she says, is what gives her the energy to take on the relentless travel that her role demands. If you are ambitious, you must build up your reserves of energy because it is a tough world out there and only the fittest will win the race.

I is for following your instinct. When I have an important decision to make, I seek the opinion of people I value and when that is done, I sit down in solitude to listen to my heart. Back in 2010, I risked the credibility built up over 23 years as a journalist by venturing into the unknown when I set up Get Writing, my creative writing workshop series. I was simply diving into the deep based on my instinct but I am glad I risked it anyway, because my workshops have been running successfully across the country for almost a decade.

S is for sisterhood and also for always being a supporter of another woman’s dreams. SEWA founder Ela Bhatt once told me that the lives of women in our villages would be transformed if women living in cities supported and guided them to fulfil their dreams. That conversation left a lasting impression on me.

T is crushing the timidity that kills confidence and enterprise. When Kiran Mazumdar-Shaw set up Biocon in her backyard, nobody supported her; not the bankers who refused to lend her money nor the men who refused to join the fledgling company because it was founded by a woman. She refused to be demoralised by their cynicism. Today, Biocon is one of the country’s most successful biotech firms and she a much-admired leader. T is also for saying ‘Thank You’ to the people who have helped us become who we are: Our family, the staff at home, friends and colleagues. It is important to take the time to thank them for the gift of their presence in our lives.

Y is for saying yes to life, enriching our lives by living in the moment and experiencing life’s miracles. Over the last few years, I have dabbled in painting, tried my hand at acting, flirted with Latin American dances and public speaking. Each of these has added to my personality and given me a great sense of fulfilment.

Sudha Menon is the author of five non-fiction books

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