A lawnmower on my nose

His eyes are transfixed on the sharp dagger clenched between his teeth. Balanced precariously on the slender edge of the dagger is a fragile blue balloon. And on top of the balloon is a vase. With arms outstretched like those of a clock, the young man balances the heavy load with his teeth. As his eyes moisten, probably in pain, he gently pricks the balloon. It disappears into thin air; the vase lands safely on the blade of the knife. He doesn’t waste time catching his breath. “I have many more tricks like this that I can perform. I know how to balance a cycle on my nose. Nowadays I’m practising the same act with a lawnmower,” he says, panting. By day, this 20-year-old Bengaluru resident is an accounts officer in a firm. The rest of his time is devoted to such daredevilry. His biggest achievement yet is a Guinness World record for balancing the tallest-ever object, a 64-ft pole, on his chin for five minutes.

It is a Saturday afternoon and the youngster is performing for a panel of judges in a school classroom in suburban Mumbai. The desks and chairs have been replaced with a massive blue façade that reads, ‘India’s Got Talent Auditions’. Like him, there are hundreds of other hopefuls who have camped at the school. The hallways are lined with children and adults in snazzy costumes and colourful wigs, each holding interesting props that range from drums, hula hoops and pom-poms, to a cycle tyre. At the gates of the school is a huge crowd waiting in the blazing sun. A young mother, covering her 11-year-old daughter’s head and her own with a dupatta , judiciously uses this time to coach her child, who will be reciting lines from a play. “She won first prize in a dramatics contest in school last year, so I thought why not give this a shot. I’ve prepared today’s act for her. I taught her how to say her lines with expressions,” says the mother, peeping out from under her dupatta.

Indian television is all about reality shows. Every channel has a flagship dancing, singing and acting talent hunt that seems to have been running forever. Those who are rejected at one, try their luck at another. A dance instructor, with the star students of his dance academy, has travelled all the way from Raigad. Dressed in black-and-gold costumes that they have stitched themselves, the teens seem quite at home. Are they nervous? They collectively laugh at my preposterous assumption. It turns out that they are reality show veterans who have performed for years on local Marathi channels, and are finally ready to compete with the big players. This is a preliminary audition for India’s Got Talent , adapted from the hugely successful Britain’s got Talent created by master of snark, Simon Cowell. In India, the show is in its sixth season and will air on Colors channel in April. Those who make the cut here get to perform in the final auditions in the presence of celebrity judges Karan Johar, Malaika Arora Khan and Kirron Kher.

Meanwhile, inside the classroom are three men — lookalikes of Shah Rukh Khan, Salman Khan and Sanjay Dutt, respectively. They take turns performing scenes from the stars’ iconic movies. Not surprisingly, the floppy-haired Shah Rukh Khan hams away to glory and Sanjay Dutt speaks in tapori style. It’s all very predictable. “We are working on another act — it is called Salman ki Shaadi . We show how Salman and Shah Rukh make up with each other at the wedding,” says the Sanjay Dutt doppelganger. This seems to have caught the attention of the judges. They want to see the act right away but the group says the rest of their cast is missing. “We can also bring Anil (Kapoor) and Bachchan next time,” they say.

No doubt, there is some genuine talent that is discovered through these shows, but most should remain bathroom singers and family entertainers. With so many levels of auditions, I wonder who will make it to the television round. A producer confesses that some of the “gems” who fall into the so-bad-it’s-good category are pushed ahead just so that they can embarrass themselves on TV. This, then, would be the guy who sings his heart out but can’t hit a single note or a businessman from Punjab who can eat a record number of lizards and frogs without a grimace. Unlike other shows, India’s Got Talent doesn’t specify what they are hunting for. This leaves the contestants to be the judge of what constitutes talent. So whether you’re a local dancing star, an expert at balancing lawnmowers or have an appetite for creepy crawlies — all are welcome.

COMMENT NOW