Ever thought you were playing a role in the theatre of the absurd? Not the literary one, of course, just wacky real-life exchanges involving you, salespeople and customer service agents. This week, sample some of the scenes this writer featured in, as comic relief. Surely you will empathise.

Eager to please?

Customer Service Rep: Hello Ma’am, we are calling from (big consumer durables store). You have signed an AMC with us for your AC and a clean-up is due. When can we send the technician?

Me: At 12 tomorrow?

Her: Okay, Ma’am, I will send him at 12, Ma’am

Me: They should finish by 1, I have to get to work after that.

Me: Okay Ma’am, I will send him by 12.45.

Me: Miss, I just told you I need them to finish by 1 pm, how can they if they come at 12.45?

Her: Oh, yes, yes, correct Ma’am, they will be there by 12.

(A week later, they had still not arrived.)

Let me have my say!

Customer Service Rep: Very good afternoon, Madam, am I speaking to Saravandi Sallapilli?

Me: Sravanthi, yes.

Rep: We are calling from (credit card company). Based on your usage of the credit card, …

Me: Sorry, I’m too busy, and I don’t need a loan or insurance …

Rep: (In injured voice) How can you just cut me off like that without even listening to what I have to say?

Me: (Sounding slightly apologetic) Okay, okay, what is it?

Rep: We have some interest-free loans, Ma’am, I want to explain about them.

Me: I just told you I don’t need any, thanks, bye!

T&C don’t apply?

Customer Service Rep: Hello Ma’am, we are calling from (credit card company). We want to give you (some benefit)

Me: What was that?

Rep: (Indistinct reply)

Me: I can’t hear you.

(She disconnects and rings again, tells me it’s an insurance scheme with a cashback guarantee.)

Me: Okay, what do I have to do for it?

Me: What do you mean? It’s free.

Me: But I have to do something for it, don’t I? I mean, I have to spend some amount, fulfil some conditions or something....

Me: What do you mean? It’s free.

Me: Why are you giving it to me? Why is it free?

(She bangs the phone down.)

Look your beast

(At the beauty salon)

Salon personnel: Only a haircut, Ma’am? What about hair colour? Manicure, pedicure?

Me: Only haircut.

Salon personnel: (After haircut) Why don’t you do aroma facial, Ma’am? Upper lip, chin?

Me: No, it’s okay.

Salon personnel: Do it, Ma’am, you will look better. It’s good for pimples also.

Me: (In a louder voice) No. (Pays for haircut and leaves, seething, won’t come back.)

Have you been in similar situations yourself? We would like to know. Mail us at cat.a.lyst@thehindu.co.in

Related Topics
comment COMMENT NOW