Many years ago, deciding which train to travel by was simple. There were passenger trains, mail trains, super fast and express. Elite metros had the Rajdhani. When I moved to Mumbai, I discovered that there was also an August Kranti Rajdhani. Revolution or not, both trains served the same snacks, played the same music and broadcast the same news bulletin.

Trains as us

Shatabdi Express marked Pundit Nehru's birth centenary in 1988. What does the name mean to travellers? To join A and B on the map, centenary suggests nothing. Rajdhani says clearly you are travelling to the capital. But August Kranti or Shatabdi? Some names struck a chord. Garib Rath unambiguously announced affordability. Inter-City was just as clear; so was Day Express. Duronto, although bizarre in at least one language (alter the word marginally to durantam and it means disaster in Malayalam), encapsulated the train's non-stop travel.

Now, we have Vivek Express, Kavi Guru Express and Janam Bhoomi Gaurav Express. It is only a matter of which State the next railway minister hails from to get another dose of national and regional figures reincarnated as trains. They probably are running on rails somewhere already, thanks to previous ministers. India is a minefield of contemporary and embalmed human histories that, showcasing fame, reflect our chauvinistic backyard. Many ghosts stir alive. Reality is — named after Swami Vivekananda, Rabindranath Tagore, Tipu Sultan, Rana Pratap, Shivaji or Rani of Jhansi, a train is still a train in the service of journey. Can there be a train that captures the vision of Swami Vivekananda, evokes Tagore's poetry or reminds one of kings on horseback? I haven't seen one. Our trains are functional steel boxes characterised by the way we travel and where we are going. Sometimes, they are memorable for how we and the railways, trash each other. Imagine the embarrassment if hundred tonnes of a great Indian hero was delayed, dirty or suffered an accident.

Trains as trains

Personally, when train names must differentiate, I prefer the approach of zoology and botany. Have a generic tag based on journey attributes such as speed, service standards or non-stop travel; then follow up mentioning destination and where naming is must, tap geography. Names of rivers, lakes, mountains — they make for some beautiful train names. Any confusion where the Coromandel Express runs or what it means? And if confused, researching Coromandel is an invitation to know the country sans parochialism's shadow. That's why Janam Bhoomi Gaurav Express stunned as a vehicle for tourism. Besides the clarity in saying ‘Tourist Express' instead, why mix nebulous pride with discovery unfolding? The best laboratory to name a train is Mumbai's CST or Churchgate. Try selling the above said glorious names serving hero and ego to a harried Mumbaikar waiting for his next local. Slow train, fast train, time of arrival — they make sense. All else is hogwash. Trains are what trains do.

(The author is a freelance journalist based in Mumbai.)

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