We are organising a variety show for college. I feel bad as one person in the group seems to be constantly putting my ideas down. How can I handle this?
Cultural shows are often organised against the backdrop of a limited time-frame and frayed egos, thus being fertile ground for group dynamics.
The catchword probably is process (of planning). Understandably, the optimal outcome is for an excellent show, but equally important is that it is a bonding exercise worth the while. New friendships and hidden talents often emerge from such situations.
Two thoughts come to mind: that one person may be dominating the group and that inadvertently you may well be vying for that too. There is not enough information for me to assess whether the others in the group interact as well or are passive.
I think it is important to differentiate whether you are being put down or your suggestions are being put down. When your ideas/suggestions are not considered, you can, in a non-defensive way, request the reasons for this. If this has happened frequently, chances are that there may be a clash of personalities; in that case, it is best to politely and firmly state that you would prefer to be listened to and carry on with your contributions.
In order for it to be a collaborative experience, every member needs to participate. My suggestion is that each person writes their idea down and places it in a box. Then, each idea should be read out and people should encourage each other to put forth their arguments/reasons for agreeing or not agreeing.
Though it can be disheartening, disagreements are important as they can fuel the creative process and inspire a flow of ideas. Therefore it is necessary that ideas are exchanged and that everyone is heard, despite disagreement.
(Nirupama is a clinical psychologist based in London, with an interest in working through adjustment issues with young adults.)