I have been seeing a boy for the past six months. A week back we were at a party together and he had a lot to drink after which he acted quite silly. I feel embarrassed about it and am not sure if I want to continue going out with him.

Acting ‘silly’ once inebriated happens due to the disinhibiting effects of alcohol. Though you have not described how he acted, the fact that you were embarrassed is reason enough to give it some thought.

I suppose one aspect you need to clarify for yourself is whether you are worried about his behaviour after drinking or the fact that he consumed alcohol. If it is his first time, chances are that he was unaware of how to handle his drink and may be oblivious of his reaction to it. It may be beneficial for him if you shared with him his reaction at the party. One of the common mistakes that people make is to have alcohol over an empty stomach and not eat enough or drink water. A lot of times that people tend to drink more than necessary at parties is when they have had a particularly gruelling or stressful time or, of course, due to peer pressure, especially when it is a celebration.

If it is worrying you it is best to share your fears with him and express your concerns. Things to watch out for would be if he is looking for occasions to drink or if he increases his intake each time. Maybe you could record his behaviour and play it back to him …

I feel that your decision to stay together or not is your personal one; however, as a friend you would be doing him a big favour by encouraging him to seek help (if he needs it) early enough.

(The author is a clinical psychologist based in London, with an interest in working through adjustment issues with young adults.)

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