I am the only one of my group of friends who never gets permission to go out for parties or events if it is beyond 7pm. It is frustrating as I feel that I am missing out on things when I hear my friends talk about it later.

That you are feeling this way is understandable; maybe you have a sense of not being trusted by your parents and it is probably the right time to do something about it. The best way forward would be to earn that trust.

Why not take the initiative and explain how you feel to them?

It is advisable to find the right moment to speak to them; deciding on a mutually beneficial time would be a way of both showing them respect and showing that you are acting responsibly.

Choose a time when you are all relaxed so that you can discuss things in a calm way. Encourage them to share their thoughts.

Your parents’ reluctance may be a reflection of their fears, the causes of which may be many. They may have pre-conceived ideas through the media or hearsay which make them feel uneasy. They may feel that staying out late may detrimentally affect your commitment to college work. Perhaps they feel that if you went out once you might make a habit of it. Or maybe they are unaware of who you are spending time with and worry that you might put yourself in an unsafe position.

If your parents have not met your friends, it is certainly time for you to do the introductions.

Give them information about where you are going, who you are going out with, how long you would be out and how you would be returning home and who with. Also, assure them that you would be in contact with them once you have reached the destination and would call when you are ready to set out for home. Let them know that they could contact you as well.

By keeping the channels of communication clear you will help in reassuring your parents and alleviating their fears.

(Nirupama is a clinical psychologist based in London, with an interest in working through adjustment issues with young adults.)

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