Hogging the limelight

Four of us have got together to write an article for our college newsletter and I have been enjoying it. However, one boy does hardly anything but gets the attention by sending the ‘right’ emails and saying the ‘right’ things to the ‘right’ people. It is frustrating and hard not to let it affect our relationship with him…

Team working shows us a different facet of ourselves. When an individual takes centre-stage by not putting in equal effort, together with being frustrating it can be a morale dampener.

One of the common impediments to working effectively is a domineering personality and people can dominate a group in direct and indirect ways.

It appears to me that the difficulty in this particular situation is that the three of you are not aware of your fourth member’s moves and this can certainly lead to a lack of sense of trust, not to mention discord.

To ensure that each individual’s effort is equally valued, and that each one’s sense of self-worth is not affected (either in a diminishing or exaggerated way), the key is clear communication. However, it is also important to try not to get under the emotionality of the situation and to try and keep the focus firmly in mind.

I think it may be beneficial to have a (face to face) group meeting instead of communicating via e-mail. There may be a need to remind yourselves of this being a shared exercise; each one of you would need to present your ideas individually and it should be written down.

Meetings may need to be regular and deadlines clearly stated so that every single one of you is aware of the details. It is up to the group to nominate a person who could communicate via email or verbally to others, so that everything remains objective and above board.

I think it should be clarified to each other that every single person’s opinion matters and that each one’s contribution is respected.

(The author is a clinical psychologist based in London, with an interest in working through adjustment issues with young adults.)

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