J: CB sir, I have come up with killer app idea. We had science fiction all this time, no? I have introduced commerce fiction.

CB: J, my friend, I am very tired after acquiring readers with my books and then writing newspaper columns to feed them with my ideas. You will have to explain what commerce fiction is.

J: You see, CB sir, you have opened my eyes to the need to target youth aspirations through books. Everyone wants to be engineer, except in Gujarat. Here everyone wants to be rich and eat rich vegetarian food. What will they study then? Commerce, obviously. The big mission of their lives is to become CA. My hero Manav Modi’s also.

CB: (Taking notes furiously) Manav Modi comes from a middle-class family and is talented but has no godfathers? Am I right? He’s head over heels in love with a girl who believes in him but is also ambitious herself, am I right? He loves his parents and they have difficulties that threaten to break his dream of becoming a CA, am I right?

J: CB sir! How do you know all this?

CB: Because I’ve read the books I write and I’m familiar with their plots.

J: Jai Shri Krishna . You are my inspiration. You recognised the title? The 3 U-Turns of My Life .

CB: This conversation is turning out to be the fourth mistake of MY life.

J: But sir, I have to tell you, you were wrong to study for an MBA. MBAs are ruining India. Always selling, exaggerating, taking big risks. See, Manav is orthodox, cautious, and prudent. And Deepak is in a hurry, wanting to make money by any means. An MBA. And probably non-veg also.

So, CB sir, I have found new demographic. I have written basically commerce fiction. Everyone in my book is either studying to be a CA, or is already a CA, or is in finance, or simply wants to make money. But only commerce. No science. No love also, and a little sugar.

CB: Sugar? They have blood-sugar?

J: Sir! Sugar means kiss. You didn’t know?

CB ( sotto voce ): This fellow seems to know more than I do about the youth. I’d better watch out.

J: There’s a little sex also but only after the day’s work is done.

CB: All right, J, tell me the story. I need to see how much your book has in common with mine. My lawyers need to see it even more than I do.

J: This is the chance I was waiting for, CB sir. So Manav, you see, is a Gujarati. Money and business before all. Also after all. Have to be something in life, no? But earthquake.

CB: What?

J: Gujarat earthquake. Destroys home. Plus his father has made fatal mistake of borrowing money to invest. I tell you, CB sir, if you borrow…

CB: Yes yes, go on.

J: So the boy is about to become insurance agent, his dream of becoming a CA is shattered. But miracle happens and his father’s debt is paid off. First U-turn. Now the boy gives up everything except food — even that, sometimes — to study for his CA exams.

Then he does so well and becomes article in CA firm. Then his boss gives him a proposition to go to Bangalore and help a real estate company start a business abroad. But before that there are funny scenes. Then he succeeds. Learns to apply gel in hair also.

Plus CFO’s daughter Rhea falls in love with him. But he loves Urvi. So he gives Rhea some sugar before returning to Ahmedabad and passing exam and going to Mumbai with job, also because you can make most money in India in Mumbai.

CB: (gasping) Commerce fiction. I get it now.

J: Then in Mumbai, son of owner of company where Manav works wants to build flashy condos. Siddharth. But Manav wants homes for middle-class families, because you shouldn’t borrow to…

CB: Yes yes yes yes I KNOW!

J: Ha ha sir, you have sense of humour. I have noticed in your books. But sir, sorry to say readers are not learning enough from your books. Young people need to learn about job and industry, no? Also business. My book teaches them about real estate business.

Also about MBAs who take too many risks. Also that women should not be too ambitious, but do soft jobs and then marry men who love them, though not as much as they love money. What to do, CB sir, I have to tell truth only.

CB: I said that before you! Naukri aur chhokri ! I said it first!

J: Yes sir, you are my guiding light only. Although sir you should not have done MBA. See what Deepak does. Siddharth hires him as CEO for new project. And Deepak breaks the law, just like his father. These things run in the family. And then Urvi is in PR, in which she has become very good, and there is bribery and corruption and lawbreaking, and Siddharth and Deepak go to jail, and Manav comes to the rescue and becomes CEO. And Krishna saves him. Second U-turn.

CB: Religion? You’ve put in religion also? (To himself) This fellow is dangerous.

J: Oh no, sir. Krishna is Manav’s friend. But Jai Shri Krishna .

CB: And the third U-turn? Don’t tell me, I know already. Urvi has vanished. Manav finds her on the last page.

J: You already know everything sir. But I wrote epilogues also.

CB: I am getting an epileptic fit also. Jai MBA.

(This monthly column helps you talk about a book without having to read it.)

A runava Sinha translates classic contemporary Bengali fiction, non-fiction into English @arunava

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