Potency test champ gets Param Vir Chakra

It was late in the evening at the Kota police station. The lights were dim, the room was dank, the hushed silence broken only by the sound of Arnab, somewhere in the distance, demanding answers on behalf of the nation. The smiling seer gazed at them benevolently, refusing to perform, backing up with inaction his claim that he was too old to molest his followers. It looked like the forces of law and order were about to face defeat, and one of the officers had already gone to get Bapu a cup of tea.

Into this breach stepped a hero. With no equipment and no training, armed just with god-given skill and unshakeable will, he did what needed to be done. He rose to the occasion, and so did Asaram Bapu. The rest is history. Already it is a legend in the far-flung districts of Rajasthan, where late at night, with their camels sleeping outside, wives often whisper in the ears of exhausted husbands, “Should we go to Kota, dear, and meet that policeman?”

Today, finally, that hero is receiving his just reward, from no less a person than the President of India, although not directly from his hands, as he will be wearing gloves.

“I have done nothing special,” said the hero modestly, “Whenever required, the police is always there to lend a hand. I am ready to do my duty anywhere in the country, to show evildoers that there is nothing that can escape the long arm of the law, or the fingertips at the end of it.”

The young man also responded to allegations that he has been free-lancing on the side, in order to earn additional income. “Nothing could be further from the truth,” he said, “Although I may have assisted one or two senior officers. Sometimes it’s hard to refuse them, especially late at night, when they are feeling playful.”

Was there a faint glow suffusing the young man’s face? In the dim light of the thana, it was hard to be sure. Could it be that in touching the divine, he himself has become, in some way, divine?

“Some of us are worshipping him just to be on the safe side,” said one of his colleagues, “Every morning we light an agarbatti and give him a banana.”

What now for our young hero? Will his deadly hand of truth expose rapists across the nation? Will he be deployed as a weapon against our arch-enemy Pakistan? Will he continue to remain hands-on, or will he train others? And why are mysterious white people in suits lurking all over Kota? Only time will tell.

COMING SOON: POTENCY TEST HERO HELPS RHINO GET LUCKY!