The right attitude for success

Many good managers and leaders get agitated when they realise that they have stopped growing — call it plateauing or derailing. Plateauing is when opportunities at the top shrink. Derailing is the case where opportunities at the top exist and you are not considered for those. This can be very frustrating for many who have seen a steady pace of upward mobility. One of the key reasons for this is the manager’s lack of attention to cues and feedback, both direct and indirect, that some of their behaviours need change as they are not in tune with the values of the organisation. Unfortunately, successful people do not receive as much feedback as they need and, in many cases, even when they get it, they tend to ignore the same as ‘rubbish’, especially when the feedback is not positive and palatable.

Feedback is not a new concept. Behavioural scientists Joseph Luft and Hari Inham did some spectacular work, now famously known as “Johari Window,” that highlights the importance of giving and receiving feedback in order to recognise and repair the “blind spots” all of us develop over time. This concept is now taught in B-Schools and in almost all management development programs for improving self-awareness. It is, however, alarming to note that many experienced executives lose sight of this key learning and tend to ignore feedback as they climb up the corporate ladder only to find themselves derailed sooner than later.

Two birds, one stone

Feedback helps in both ways. First, it helps one to understand the strengths and to build on them. Second, it helps one to understand the weaknesses so that one can work on overcoming them. There is enough research to support the theory that other people are twice as accurate in predicting our strengths and weaknesses than ourselves. So, there is a need to seek, value and act on feedback.

As executives climb the ladder of success, they tend to attribute success to their own efforts and brilliance and when things go wrong, look around for alibis outside. This behaviour is called “attribution bias.” When they should be looking at a mirror, they look through the window — and find reasons for problems outside. For a pilot flying an airplane, the dials in the cockpit offer constant feedback. What ignoring this can do is anybody’s guess. Feedback is obviously most impactful when a manager invites it from colleagues and thankfully acknowledges the same. But we pay the price of ignoring feedback with faltering success in our career! This is when the adage, “nothing succeeds like success” reverses itself to prove, “nothing recedes like success!”

Famous author and consultant Joe Folkman offers a useful framework for benefiting from feedback, the first step in which is acceptance that leads to prioritisation and, finally, to changes.

Take it in your stride

Acceptance is the first and also the most difficult step. Our self-esteem and success do not allow us to accept negative feedback or feedback for change. We attribute bias or jealousy to colleagues who want to help us with their feedback. We resort to one of the many defensive behaviours — like rationalisation, projection, humour, pairing and denial or sometimes even ‘quick acceptance’ — to shut out feedback!

Once we learn to accept the feedback without defensiveness, the logical next step is to prioritise the feedback so that we can work on a few manageable ones. Ideally, not more than two or three to work on would be effective. Priorities for change should be those that will bring maximum impact on people we work with. One of my role-model managers, early in my career, practiced something that I embraced for my own practice with great impact. At least twice a year, during his one-on-one meetings with me, he would ask the following two questions and insist on honest answers:

Tell me two or three things I should do more of or start doing that will increase your effectiveness at work.

Tell me two or three things I do now but must stop doing in order to enhance your effectiveness at work.

It was as simple a dialogue as above. While it is comfortable to ask the first question, the second one can be unnerving and uncomfortable. But he was sincere and acted on the feedback and suggestions I offered in response to his second question. This was his way of continuously improving himself, his style and relationships.

The third step in the model is making real change happen. After all, the feedback is only as good as it is acted upon by the receiver.

Successful behavioural change at a personal level involves a few crucial steps such as: (a) seeking clarity when a generic feedback is given, like “you are a jerk”; (b) setting a specific goal for change, like listening attentively when others are speaking; (c) enlisting support from others but this requires informing people you work with that you intend to act on the feedback and that it is appreciated; (d) challenging the basic assumptions that led to your previous behaviour, like “praising people spoils them”; and last ( e) focusing on the benefits of new behaviour.

Techniques aside, acting on negative feedback is not easy. Many of us often attribute our success to behaviour that requires urgent action and change. Marshall Goldsmith was on target when he wrote a book titled What got you here won’t get you there .” Are managers listening?

(The author is an executive coach and HR advisor.)

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